Keep Hoping

[lovegrowingthings]

I will try to keep it short.
I have been married for 38years to my husband, he has never been violent to me, been moody over the years but aren't we all.
We have two great children and 3 grand children
He has worked incredibly hard over the years to keep a roof over our heads, that is 6 and half days a week for 30 odd years by running his own business, always finding the money to send the children on school trips and holidays for myself and the children as regularly as we could afford.
But.........
Over the last 4/5 years things have gone wrong, we have stopped talking, you know the stupid things married people talk about, general stuff. We have never talked about sex and our sex life, I think we are both to embarrassed about the subject.
We stopped talking in general, started arguing more until he stopped arguing anymore just listened and doesn't comment.
Our last argument he got so frustrated he said he had had enough, he moved out of our bedroom into the spare room and has been there for 7 months.
We have not been intimate, had sex, for over a year. I know he isn't seeing anyone else as he never hides his phone from and I know his pass code to his computer. I assume he masterbates, most men do.
I do occasionally see him naked and still want him so much, when he brings me my morning tea I am often naked in bed but doesn't notice, I get a peck on the cheek good morning and he then leaves my room quickly.
I don't know how to move forward, do I give him an ultimatum to come to counselling although I know he will point blank refuse to see a sex therapist.
I don't want to leave him because I still love him so much.
Lost

Does it seem like you were having similar arguments each time? The same topics over and over? Sometimes long relationships can get stuck in patterns that are hard to break, but one of you needs to try something different in order for things to change. If talking seems difficult now then perhaps you could try writing him an email about how you feel? In a positive way, with compliments and things like "I would really like it if we could try such-and-such" rather than "you never do such-and-such".

I don't like the word ultimatum, could you just suggest seeing a couples counsellor to improve your communication and see what he says, rather than presenting it as an ultimatum?

Perhaps start with trying to engage him emotionally, rather than an ultimatum? How does he feel about the situation? Have you any idea, aside from your own speculation? Why would you expect sexual engagement from someone you have no connection with, aside from your own desire? This seems to be about what you want, rather than how to fix things up for both of you. What does he want? If you make it clear that you are willing to listen and engage with him, he might feel a bit more forthcoming.