DD (early 30s) has just told her husband of just over a year that she no longer loves him and wants to end the marriage - no children.
They’ve been together for a total of 7 years and I’m actually very fond of him. She had a couple of wobbles. Was unsure about 3 years ago about the relationship and then nearly called off the wedding last year, but they talked things through and appeared to have resolved their issues. He’s always seemed very level headed and a great balance to her more spontaneous and driven personality.
They seemed so in love on the wedding day and I’ll never forget the way he looked at her when she walked to the altar. They had separate interests, she’s very gregarious and has a good long-standing friendship group, he’s quite happy playing on his computer or having drinks with his mates, but as far as I was aware, they were happy and seemed relaxed and comfortable together and things seemed to be working.
Last week, she told me that whilst she cared about him, she didn’t love him anymore and that they had been living separate lives for months. She said she’s made efforts to rekindle their relationship, but if they went out for a meal, out would come his phone. She tried to take him away on holiday but he spent the time there on his laptop playing online games or watching films. He wouldn’t even go for a walk and to just talk. He promised he would try, but admitted after work, he was quite happy not doing much and chilling, where she loves being busy, having a project or just chatting.
At the weekend, she told him she’d had enough and although he pleaded with her to give it another chance, she said she was just weary of trying and had reached the end of the line with him. He was absolutely distraught and took it really badly and says he can’t believe she’s wanting to end it - even questioning her sanity (she has had anxiety in the past) and said he couldn’t believe it, “after I helped you through your depression!” I understand this was said from a place of hurt and anger because he was actually very supportive at the time but it stung her.
She’s completely calm and rational. Has clearly thought this through and carefully planned her course of action and where she’s heading. Shes genuinely very sad she’s hurt him but says she feels relief at bringing things to an end, can’t stay with a man she doesn’t love and I actually think she’s very brave to have the courage to admit to her lack of feelings and I support her decision entirely.
However, I illogically feel so, so sad and I don’t know why? I get that they weren’t compatible but I keep thinking about his current pain, the fact that we won’t see him again, his lovely parents who we got on with so well and I feel so disloyal to my DD even thinking this. I admitted it to my DH and adult DS and they said they actually feel similar. Is this normal??!!