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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dh not wanting to contact his terminally ill relative

26 replies

DyslexicPoster · 12/04/2023 12:44

Dh was really close to his uncle until he was about 40. Was saw him regularly a few times a year. His uncle told him at a few parties that dh drank too much ( his sons free bar wedding dh got as pissed as a fart). So for the last eight years he hasn't spoken to his uncle. Now his young cousin in their 20's has been diagnosed with late stage cancer. I asked dh if he would try to make contact and make up. However dh said he can't find the words and has been saying that for a month now. If I talk to him, he's getting round to it.

I don't want the next time I see his uncle to be at the funeral so do you think really he just doesn't want to make contact? I have asked dh this a few times and he insists he does, he's getting round to it. The cancer has spread to major organs and bones and I have pointed out dh is running out of time. I'm debating going to see them without him. What I really don't want to do is rock up at the funeral after dh being nc for years with dh supporting dh with a loss I no longer can belive he cares about.
I have contacted the aunt and cousin myself and we are in contact.

OP posts:

Appleabananasandpears · 15/04/2023 13:36

Appleabananasandpears · 15/04/2023 13:22

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with visiting the cousin and uncle if you’ve already been in touch with them. It sounds like you’ve gone some way to building a relationship with them even if your DH hasn’t. Obviously you’d broach the subject of a visit carefully and not impose yourself on them, but if they’re ok with it I don’t see the problem.

Based on what you’ve said, I’d be really disappointed with DH’s position. And no way would I be keeping away just because my DH is. At the end of the day your conscience belongs to you, and that goes above any sense of “betrayal” DH might feel in my opinion.

Show quote history

Appreciate you’ve said DH is likely apathetic more than anything, the betrayal point was more in response to another post. You can’t force DH to make contact and it sounds like you’ve done what you can to try and persuade him so maybe it’s a lost cause. And I agree with @NoSquirrels he might not even be welcome. But don’t let all of this stop you from what you need to do. Wishing you all the best.

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