Should I not have got on the train?

[DancingQueen2018]

Disclaimer before I type this there’s obviously a huge backstory and I’m already on the verge of leaving but I’d just like to know if I was in the wrong totally here.

I took my 2 dds for a day out today, we had a fab time and had arranged to meet DH for dinner. We do this quite often, usually close to his office but they wanted to go to somewhere specific so asked him to meet us there.

He was clearly in a vile mood all through dinner, grumpy afterwards when we went elsewhere to get dessert and I didn’t ask if he wanted any (I wasn’t and he didn’t say he wanted any). He stormed off to the tube ahead of us, when we got there couldn’t see him so we went in, not in the ticket hall so assumed he’d got on a train.
He has form for getting in a grump and storming off leaving me and the children.

So we got on the train, cue furious messages when I got off of how could we abandon him like that. I mean with hindsight I should have called him but it didn’t even occur to me at the time. I just assumed he was being a grumpy idiot and assumed we’d catch him up somewhere. Was I totally out of order or does he bear some responsibility given his history?

he feels very left out from the 3 of us (which is why he behaves that way

Except he was there at the dinner and at the dessert place. So he wasn't left out. He was literally right there.

Even if he is ND, he's still a twat.

You say WHAT? He got in a strop and stormed off? How old is he? My 12 year old knows that behaving like that would get her nowhere!!!

He is now in a mood because you didn’t gallop around looking for him and went home instead? Of course you did! He is an adult and can get himself home, why would you need to do anything other than get on the train and go home?

This is not a healthy dynamic for you or the kids!

Good luck with the split OP. I promise you it is soooo much better on the other side!

He's a nob.. I once had a nob who did this shit. However, I feel you should have rung him.

'Abandon him'? Can't he find his way home?

He is trying but then something like this happens.

It didn't happen though -he caused it. No matter what you do to try and have him behave in a non abusive way, it's not going to work. You will never 'win' with him. He may talk the talk when you're having the talk but perhaps the train thing was your punishment.

I would suggest you don't bother sharing how you feel with him, it'll either end in punishment or he'll use your feelings against you at some point in some way. I also suggest you start grey rocking him, instead of how you might normally react.

Most of all don't doubt yourself, write things he does down (somewhere he can't find it), you'll be able to look over it again and see that it is not you.

A real life Sliding Doors moment! Has this shown you what being with him is going to be like? He sounds intolerable. I assume he has a Big Man Job which is why he needs to spend every non-working second relaxing and not participating in family life?

If he has form for stomping off, then yes I would have jumped on the train without him. He wants you and the girls to be bothered daddy's not here, and go looking for him. That in it's self is horrible. How can you have a relationship with him when he rests all weekend, and stomps off in a mood when out. He is a terrible role model to the girls. What do you gain by staying with him?

ND man here - he's a fucking idiot.
Do better

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

He acted like a grumpy arse, he got treated like a grumpy arse.

Well put!

Think this is a clean sweep of yanbu!
Ugh what a immature prick - just attention seeking. The more agitated he gets, the calmer l would get. He will hate that!
Fucking idiot. I have got the rage for you.

Awful man.
Awful father.
Awful husband.

Your poor poor children.

Please leave.

He has done huge damage to your children especially the eldest.

Leave and get her into some counselling.

Help her make sense of this before she ends up in an awful relationship herself.

Do not involve him in a day out again.

I mean it kindly but you need to do better.

He is a dreaful presence in their life.

Minimise it as much as you can.

Don't delay your plans.

Get out of this environment.

He's a melodramatic arsehole. Life without him will be far easier.

Sounds to me like you and your girls would be much happier without this manchild casting a negative atmosphere over your days. His moods will affect your DDs more than you think

He stormed off = He ran away in a temper tantrum.
Did he really expect his little girls to search the station for poor puddingless Daddy?
Imagine what a cunt this man is going to be when your girls are trying to assert themselves as teenagers.

He needs counselling not you. Wasn't interested enough in his daughters to make an effort with them and expects them to be delighted when he's finally ready to make an effort. He's a dickhead. He excluded himself from the family.
Does he think mammies love sitting down and playing dolls? No but we love our children and do things for their happiness.
I'd be putting him on final notice. And a condition of that not being immediate termination is couples therapy with more individual sessions for him.
You are obviously an amazing mother that the girls feel fulfilled by all you do for them.

I actually laughed when i got to the post that he sent angry messages about abandonment, he's a fool and trying to be manipulative.