I know this type of message has been written a hundred times or more, but anyone else just starting out on this sad journey at the moment? A few weeks ago, I agreed that we should separate and divorce. The truth is things haven’t been right for a long time, years really, and I’ve personally been unhappy for a good year or so. We’ve been together 18 years, lived together 17 years, married for 12. No children luckily, so one less complication.
We separated once before a few years ago, totally at his instigation that time, he moved out for a few months. That was a shock, and the pain and trauma for me was unbearable. We got back together but as often happens, it created a lot of damage. I desperately wanted it to work and to get back to what we once had, but the truth was, suspicion and ‘wondering’ were probably always just under the surface. We had some good times again during those years, don’t get me wrong, but I think I have always wondered since “does he really still love me?” and “did he come back for the right reasons?”.
Fast forward to now, and deep down I know it’s the right thing to do. BUT, why am I struggling so much? I’m well aware that I’m grieving for what we ONCE had, and who he ONCE was, I can analyse the situation completely logically, and yet I’m so bloody sad and tearful about it all!
On the practical side, he can afford to stay in the house and buy me out. I’m a low earner (self employed) but am fortunate enough this year to have enough to buy a property outright, thanks to an inheritance and my share of the equity in the house. So I realise I’m very lucky in that regard, but even without mortgage or rent it’s going to be very tight / hand to mouth!
I don’t mind being single, I’m good in my own company, and I have no problem living alone, but still I feel bereft. I certainly have moments of looking forward to getting into my flat and excitement at where I’ll put everything etc, but that’s replaced quite quickly with feelings of deep sadness & grief again. At the moment we’re both still in the marital home, and although it’s generally amicable, I’m finding it harder as the weeks go on rather than easier! I know that once I can move out, hopefully I can begin to move on a bit, although I know the ups & downs are going to be around for a long time yet. After nearly 20 years, there’s a lot of memories and your lives are very interlinked - so many little things are proving to be a trigger!
Sorry, that ended up being a VERY long post about such a common issue!!
Anyone else? Or any groundbreaking advice for survival?!