Partner potentially leaving me and nowhere to go

[Pinklemon95]

Hi! So to cut a long story short, my partner and I have had some issues this weekend and he wants some space while he thinks about whether or not he wants to continue this relationship. I'm letting him have the space, but I am living in turmoil right now.

As well as the heartbreak I am about to go through if the relationship ends (and I really don't want it to end) I also have to try and think practically right now.

I live with my partner in his house that he owns, and if we break up I have nowhere to go. I dont have the money to put down to rent a property, I also live quite far away from friends and family. My mum lives in a one bedroom flat, and she would be the only person I could potentially move in with, so it wouldn't really work. As I said, she lives far away, and if I have to move back to my hometown I would have to leave my job also and look for a new one.

My head is a mess right now contending with the possible end of my relationship with a man I love so much, and then on top of that having to contend with the fact that I will have nothing and nowhere if it does happen. It also makes me feel like an absolute failure at my age, all I've ever wanted is to feel stable and secure (which i understand in the UK at this time it would be a luxury to feel that way). I should mention that we don't have kids.

Does anyone have any positive stories of when they've been through something similar? Or any practical advice? Thank you xxx

How about a house share?

You don’t have to leave you job if it is well paid and you enjoy it. How long have you lived there? Did you offset renting costs with savings? How old are you?
I am sorry this is happening, heartbreak is painful.

Fingers crossed he doesn't boot you out - this time.

Also, I do hope this is a wakeup call for you regarding making yourself financially dependent on someone with no legal benefits whatsoever..

In your shoes I would look for a house share with other professionals .
Then I would make sure I was never financially dependent on a man again . No relationship is worth being homeless for .

Do what you did before moving in with him?

The difficult thing is that I was renting solo before I moved in with him. My job isnt well paid and I was struggling and eating into savings while living alone due to the cost of rent and bills, and by the time we moved in together (not long ago) all my savings were gone. I'm 27 and I've always been independent and found a way, I've never been financially dependent on my partner. I just don't have the money or resources to find somewhere to live alone again

Agree with house share. Then use the time there to save as much as you can to get your own place.

If all you are missing is the deposit, would be willing to pay that to facilitate a clean exit? It is a bit embarrassing, but if you have been paying him rent then you have been helping pay for his house so it isn’t completely ridiculous to suggest.

Unfortunately the only options are to rent a room in a shared house which should hopefully be affordable or move in with your mum. Or would your budget stretch to a bedsit?

I hope that if your partner breaks up with you he is reasonable about the circumstances you find yourself in and gives you time.

OP, I didn't want zo sound snarky, I just saw your age. Something similar happened to be when I was around your age and I had to swallow my pride and move back in with my mom. We are NC now, so you can imagine how hard living there was.

You might have to bite the bullet and look for a new job as well, you need to get a tiny financial nest egg somehow.

Im really hoping it all works out.

Don't sit about waiting for him to decide, have a look for a house share.

https://www.spareroom.co.uk/

You need a second job until you find a higher paying one, or more hours if you're part time. What is your current work situation? I'm sorry this is happening to you, take the opportunity to get onto your feet and not end up in it again

I already work full time, but with the cost of living alone, rent, bills, transport etc, it doesn't go very far. I will probably have to look at getting a weekend job, maybe bar work

That’s exactly what I would do. I had sourced some living space through the university I worked at and had planned to do that before my situation changed. Your DP doesn’t want you to be in a situation where he is providing everything for you, people lose respect for others in that situation. You need to be actively finding a place to go during this time not hanging onto the relationship because the alternative is you have nothing.

When I was 28 my ex dumped me - it was a brutal break up and a dysfunctional relationship so while I was distraught at the time, it was for the best looking back.

I couch surfed for three weeks until I got paid, my brother lent me my rent deposit and with my wages I moved into a cheap but decent flat share. I really didn't see the other girls much but they were friendly. I took on extra overtime and did a few shifts as a waitress for a summer and you know, I actually saved a bit of money not grocery shopping for a fully grown man! It was just me, so I could buy more economically. Ex was a bit of a leech so I was actually far better off financially without him!

After a year or so, I met my now DH. At around 34 or so when we were 4 years together, we started ttc and I had DS at 36. Never been happier.

So while this isn't a change you were expecting - it could turn out to be the best thing that happens to you.

Ask around at work

HMO that's what I had to do after my divorce. Air BnB for a bit till I found one.

27 is young - a great age for a houseshare (it would be more difficult if you were 47). It wouldn't be forever, but it would be a good step while deciding your longer term plans.

This. Sometimes people want a bit of help with their bills and do have room they can rent out. Another PP has put the link to Spare room in as well.

I would look into a house share. I know it's not ideal but you are young and you have time to pull this around.

If you stay you need to save as much as you can because this probably will end

You have loads of time and opportunities to turn this round
I separated aged 27 while buying a house , my bf left me . I couldn't afford the mortgage so I rented a room out and ended up sharing with different people , strangers to me that became friends .
I also took on extra weekend work this also helped with heartbreak.
It's a shock but without the tie of children and a mortgage this could work out good for you . Good luck

Loads of people are taking in lodgers just now to help with cost of living. Maybe have a look around, or even ask around at work, and see what there is locally.

I was in the same situation a few years ago, As in I lived in my ex's house that he owned when we met, I was previously renting before I met him. Together 22 years until one day he came home and told me to leave as he no longer loved me. He literally made me homeless.

In the end I had to move in with my mum for over a year, She was in a one bed place took she kept her bed I took the living room floor on a mattress. It was horrible and probably the worst year of my life but I now have my own little flat and I will never live with another man again, married or otherwise.

This

OP Age UK have been doing a scheme where an older person has a young lodger in their home, in exchange for a small rent, help around the house, and company.

From what I read it can be really successful for both parties.