Tips on keeping calm and carrying on with challenging family member

[Okaygoahead]

I have a longish family visit coming up (family live overseas), including time spent away all together in another holiday location. I’m a little bit wary, because DSis is extremely self-absorbed and hyper-sensitive. The most random conversation topics will manage to become about her. She fills all the airspace and really doesn’t let anyone else talk; if you do manage to talk, and express a different opinion, it’s like a personal assault on her. She has very strong narrow-minded opinions and disparages anything that doesn’t pass her complex set of standards. It can get quite exhausting.

I am truly trying to prepare myself for this. I’ve become an expert at counting to ten when dealing with her, and telling myself that her behaviour is about her, not about me. She does drive me mad, but she is my sister and I do love her and frankly feel quite sorry for her. Does anyone have tips they can offer for staying zen and dealing with a difficult, but loved, family member for a fixed period of time?

I think, as you say, count to ten. Or walk away pleasantly when conversations turn such a way you don't like. I think it's probably also good to remember that, in the grand scheme of things it's a relatively short time to be together. Tactfully change the subject if needs be. And, smile. Just, keep, smiling.

I have a family member like this. I always set very low expectations for visits.

When she crosses the line and starts to get upset I will look at her and ask if she's ok.

I will also try and have smaller conversations with others to avoid coming face to face

"I have a longish family visit coming up (family live overseas), including time spent away all together in another holiday location".

Such things can test the most functional of relationships; with dysfunctional relationships like you are describing it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I would seriously rethink this whole joining them in another holiday location unless you can completely get away from them all. In the meantime I would try and use the grey rock technique on her.

People from dysfunctional families end up playing roles. Where do you fit into all this re your sister; you are perhaps the familial scapegoat. You will come to realise its not actually possible to have a relationship with someone as disordered of thinking as your sister.

Truth be told, I don’t think we have a family scapegoat, but she has always been the odd one out, in large part due to her often extreme behavior. One sibling will only see her during daylight hours and if there’s no alcohol involved (yes, wine makes it all worse), but they’re better at boundaries than I am 😁