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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Aibu to tell my Sister about these pictures

14 replies

UptownFuckYouUp · 11/04/2023 04:53

Bit of background to give you some context. I have two much older half Sisters, same Dad, different Mums. Dad was extremely physically, emotionally and verbally abusive when we were all growing up. I went a 5 year period without any contact with him and my Mum (my Mum because she knew most of the abuse was happening and did fuck all to stop it). But have low contact with them both now.
DSIS1 has a relationship with our Dad. DSIS2 cut contact with him last year after having her first baby. Because in her words "he has always been a danger to his 3 children and I also started feeling guilty with how he treated my Mum" I respect both my Sister's decisions.

Now for the issue. DSIS2 has a good relationship with her Mum as far as I am aware. She sends her pictures of her baby. All fine. But then her Mum sends these pictures to DSIS1, who sends them to my Dad. DSIS2 does not want my Dad to have pictures of the baby. My Dad has told me this himself. So I was expected to keep it hush hush about the pictures which I felt extremely guilty about. It's all come to a head with me tonight as my Dad has been badgering me to print a picture of my Nephew off onto a hard copy. I said no and told him I didn't want to do anything behind my Sister's back. I've now messaged DSIS2 to tell her that Dad has her Sons pictures and has been asking me to print them for him. Wibu to let her know? Worried about rocking the boat and it blowing up in my face, but I hated being made to keep a secret and felt my Sister should know

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 11/04/2023 04:57

I think you did the right thing. But it might still blow up

AlmostOver22 · 11/04/2023 04:57

I think you did the right thing. It sounds like there’s enough hurt already caused in your family and you and your sister deserve to know who they can trust, then you can make informed decisions about who to have contact with and what type. Eg your sister is now empowered to decide she doesn’t want pics taken of her kids.

ArePidgeonsReallyBirds · 11/04/2023 05:03

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EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 11/04/2023 05:04

I think you did the right thing. DSIS2s wishes about her child shouldn't be disregarded by her family. DSIS1 shouldn't be sending pictures to their Dad, that's not ok.

Avatartar · 11/04/2023 05:07

You did the right thing- if it blows up - step away and let them speak to each other about it

FrigginFrig · 11/04/2023 05:25

You did the right thing, I'd want to know too. Has she replied?
If I were her I'd stop sending pictures since they can't be trusted to respect my wishes.

GoodChat · 11/04/2023 05:30

You definitely did the right thing. How sad that nobody else respects her!

UptownFuckYouUp · 11/04/2023 06:19

DSIS1 should know she shouldn't be sending our Dad the pictures. But I can imagine he piled the pressure on, and with her mental state always being so fragile, I almost feel bad for being angry at her.

OP posts:
Fantasmagoricalan · 11/04/2023 06:48

Tell her. Your dad has abused so many people, hasn’t he? Awful he deserves nothing.

tribpot · 11/04/2023 07:28

You were definitely right to tell her. Abuse thrives on secrecy, doesn't it? And your dad is managing to keep everyone on the back foot, whether they are personally in contact with him or not. You are all presumably caught in a conspiracy of silence and that is why he isn't in prison where he belongs?

In the case of these photos, it seems to be DSIS2's mum who is the weak link, is she also DSIS1's mum? Either way, she shouldn't be sending the photos on. If DSIS2 wanted DSIS1 to have them, knowing she still has a relationship with your abusive father, she could do so directly.

I would get some counselling if you can, to make sense of the dynamics of abused families.

UptownFuckYouUp · 11/04/2023 16:59

Hopeful bump?

OP posts:
NicholJO · 11/04/2023 17:16

Hi op yes you definitely did the right thing telling your step sister this her her baby. I had a similar situation many years ago when I had my first baby. My mother was very abusive to me she was an alcoholic I didn't want her having anything to do with my baby ( ie photos or information) unfortunately my baby's dad's mum knew my mother and gave her photos in the end I cut contact with her too. To which I'm happy as her son my now ex was an abusive deckhand so yes you did the right thing

GoodChat · 11/04/2023 19:44

Have you had a response from her OP?

UptownFuckYouUp · 12/04/2023 14:23

I did. She was very grateful that I told her

OP posts:
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