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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Shit on again.

15 replies

BisonGrassVodka · 10/04/2023 22:10

A little bit about me, I've suffered a lot of pain for 14 years following previous injuries from accidents, then a fall and catching eurosepsis last year. I've been diagnosed with a condition called DISH, which is a build of of hard calcium in the spine and ligaments/tendons, then least week, a scan showed I had spinal stenosis in L3, 4 and 5, I've been suspicious of this for couple of months as I've lost control of my bladder and bowels a few times. (A condition called Cauda Aquina). In January I had part of a kidney removed and in February I had spinal injections and nerve block injections, none of these with any medication, not even a local. I'm now waiting for another operation which could either fix the problem or leave me with more pain, limited spinal movement and a high chance of becoming a wheelchair user by the time I turn 65, plus pissing and shitting myself on a regular basis.

I'm under instruction to do very little, walk about in the house, do nothing like house work, lift nothing heavier than 2 litres of milk, that won't be a problem as I don't drink it, I'm basically a prisoner in my own home, I'm not able to drive until I get the go ahead, so since the surgeries, I've been stuck, I can't even go in another vehicle, so you can imagine my level of pain and fed up is very high right now.

Anyway, onto the matter at hand, on the 14th of March a woman I'd been seeing for several months decided that we are too far apart and she wanted to end the relationship. I'm a driver, she isn't, won't learn and since Covid struck, will not go out of the house unless it's to go to her mothers or for shopping and then it's in a taxi and the driver must wear a mask, if he refuses, she sends the taxi away and asks for another (fair play, this is her choice and I accepted that). She wears a mask all the time, even when she's at home alone.

Because I currently can't drive, I can see her point of view, she has been disappointed because I haven't been able to go and see her, I've felt truly awful myself, I offered to pay for a taxi for her to come and see me, but she refused, I couldn't do much more. It left us both very upset and feeling dreadful.

During the times I was in hospital, she never visited once, even though one hospital is only 6 miles from her home, I must have taken her to 6-7 of her hospital appointments during our time together.

At 8pm, she sent me a text for the first time since March, asking me how I was, not wanting to upset her, I simply told her, "It's best you don't know", a few minutes later she replied, "I've been seeing someone new for 5 weeks, we're taking it slow, but we're OK". I'm no mathematic genius, but 5 weeks goes back to the 6th of March, 8 days before she informed me of her intentions. I didn't reply straight away, but thought about replying, I wasn't going to, but then thought, I'm going to say something about this, so I messaged her about the dates, she then replied, "we were over months before and it's my business what I do". I wrote back, "your dates don't correspond, so you are therefore a cheat and it makes me wonder if you've been playing away during the times when you say you've been shopping or staying in the house alone". There's been no reply, I don't suppose there will be.

I've never cheated in my life and never will, she's the third one who's done it to me and it makes me sick to my stomach, I hate it with a passion.

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 10/04/2023 22:19

That’s pretty awful, but mirrors my experience too - been cheated on several times.
Don’t let it cloud your overall view as there are lots of amazing women out there (I’m now married and thankfully my wife is incredible) but it just often takes a few with poor morals before you find a good one.

I’ve got zero time for cheats - absolutely disgusting but rife these days sadly (on both sides)

NicholJO · 10/04/2023 22:43

Hi op poor you. It must be horrible to be basically house bound I suffer with fibamyalga and sometimes can't go out for weeks. I'm not compering my ill health to yours but I do understand how frustrating it is. The lady you was with isn't worth the time off day I know its painful but please concentrate on yourself your the most important person here not a cheating bitch

MasssiveSalad · 11/04/2023 09:41

I'm sorry for the health issues you're going through and I hope it improves soon.

I'm also sorry that you've been cheated on again.

The way you described her make her sound like she's unstable, maybe struggling with MH. I think you need to review the common factors between your exes how you ended up choosing women like this and what they all had in common and see a pattern to how and who you date but most importantly now focus on recovering.

BisonGrassVodka · 11/04/2023 14:51

Good afternoon everyone, thank you for the caring replies, I've not done much for a day or two, I've just spent time taking care of myself and trying to get my head around the mess I've been blessed with again. Out of frustration and anger, I checked on her Facebook account and saw she'd post that she was in a new relationship on February 6th, so there's another hole in her story. I don't know what to believe anymore, it's bad enough getting the dirty done to you in the first place, but when I'm fighting for my health and well being, it hurts like hell and makes you wonder how far some people will stoop.

I'm sat here wondering if I'm going to be on this planet much longer, I feel very ill and have no interest in living, with what she's done and my never ending health issues, life is just not fair and I've done my very best for everyone who's been involved in my life, yet the majority have been twats to me. 😡

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 11/04/2023 14:54

Block and delete her. She isn’t worth your time.

Concentrate on yourself, are you able to see a GP for your health conditions? Ensure you claim the benefits that you’re entitled to.

shropshire11 · 11/04/2023 20:02

I'm sorry to read this OP.

Your ex treated you badly. There's no resolution to be gained by looking back. As painful as these things can be, the only thing you can do is move forward - "proving" to her that she is a cheat won't change anything for either her or you.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing to focus on yourself and your health, and I hope you can continue doing that and making progress. Things sound dark right now - sometimes in life we just have to press on through these times. It's hard on your own, but you clearly have the capacity to participate in a healthy relationship and if you can hang in there now, there's every chance of better things to come.

AgrathaChristie · 11/04/2023 21:42

If she’s done this to you, she’ll likely do it to the next one. Block and delete.
Make sure you get all the support you can for yoyr health issues. Your GP may be able to arrange for community nurse or HCA to visit. If you’re not able to move much it’s essential to care for your skin and not get pressure sores.
Make sure you’re claiming all the benefits you’re entitled to.
You can contact theRoyal Voluntary Service for call and chat, shopping, meal deliveries etc.. https://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/our-services/
There may also be additional local services in your area.

https://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/our-services/

ImaniMumsnet · 11/04/2023 21:54

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

BisonGrassVodka · 11/04/2023 23:21

Thank you all for the positive and helpful replies, she is now blocked on both phones and email and her details are gone.

I don't have a type and never have, I don't go after certain types of women, I'm just an open book who takes them as things go along, but somewhere down the line, I keep making mistakes.

Time to change.

Thank you.

A.

OP posts:
BCBird · 11/04/2023 23:28

Infidelity stinks. U deserve better. Concentrate on u. As people have said there are decent women out there. Yiu still got the opportunity to.meet someone new, who deserves to,when you feel ready. Take care

gerbilcrocus · 12/04/2023 06:49

I'm sorry you've had this experience. Being cheated on is a horrible.

However by the sounds of your now ex, you've had a lucky escape... It's one thing being Covid-cautious, but wearing a mask in the house when she's home alone indicates that she had some pretty severe mental health problems. I don't know anyone who did this, even when ECV and at the height of Covid pre-vaccine!

gerbilcrocus · 12/04/2023 06:52

... I mean, did you have any form of physical relationship at all with this woman? Her hyper-neurotic behaviour would suggest not!

FetchezLaVache · 12/04/2023 09:16

I completely agree with @gerbilcrocus that you've had a lucky escape. Even without the infidelity and the dishonesty, this is not someone who was in your corner.

BisonGrassVodka · 12/04/2023 17:19

I mean, did you have any form of physical relationship at all with this woman? Her hyper-neurotic behaviour would suggest not!

We'd not been seeing each other very long or very often because of the Covid, I've had all the jabs, as has her mother and Uncle, but she won't and will not engage in any conversation about it, each time I've mentioned or tried to talk about it, she refuses and changes the subject.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief right now.

Thank you all.

OP posts:
Joy69 · 13/04/2023 17:51

She sounds an absolute nightmare & definitely not what you need with your back problems. Please don't waste a minute more thinking about her, other than breathing a sigh of relief.
Can I ask why you haven't been operated on asap if you have CA? I would chase this up. I really do feel for you. I have SS & it can be hell. I don't think you can underestimate how low it makes you feel.
I really hope things improve for you 🍀

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