How long after the date until I can assume I'm ghosted?

[Clarentine]

Hello. How soon would you expect to hear from a guy after a date? We're in our 30s. Thanks.

Have you messaged him? Did you enjoy the date? Why would you assume you’ve been ghosted, when was the date?

Within 24 hours
really it should be once arrived home or the next morning.
but more than 24 hours is a bit rude

If date was evening I would expect to hear that night or the next morning otherwise I would assume the man isn't interested

24 hours I guess

It rude to ghost
Much more polite to say I've changed my mind etc or thanks but no thanks in a nice way. Keep looking.

It's very rude to ghost. I wouldn't give someone the time of day who did that.

I went on a date with a guy who then just ghosted me afterwards. Then 2 years later he tries to get in touch again? Hell, no.

There are no rules. For some couples, days might go by, or even weeks. For others, not hearing for 24 hours would mean doom.

It's not about what's right or wrong, it's about what suits you, and finding a partner who feels the same sorts of things as you, on the same sort of timescale. If you're posting here, he's left it too long, presumably, for your comfort?

Admittedly it's a while since I dated and aware things change, but I'd always get a message from them after the day saying thanks for a nice day/evening or whatever and talking about meeting again. I have myself sent a message or two saying its not working out but aware some do sadly just ghost people. Personally I'd say within a day or two would seem odd to have no message or contact, depending on how often they usually communicate! I'd send them a message and see if they reply- just something bright and breezy.

Definitely the next day I’d like to see / send a “had a great time, lovely to meet you” type message. Depending on how well we clicked I might add “I’d like to see you again, would you be up for that?”

It’s a difficult one bc each person might not want to be the one to make the move bc they think “well if he/she liked me they’d message” but obviously this makes zero sense.

Personally I’d be fine with messaging first, bc I can’t be arsed to play games and if I like someone then I’m going to tell them. But I get not everyone has the confidence to be that open to rejection, so to be totally honest if they haven’t messaged within 24 hours - or at a push 48 (if they have a particularly full on job such as shift work or something major like a Doctor / fireman / police and don’t really have opportunity a couple days in a row)

Ultimately I do think of a man likes you and wants something to happen, they will 100% take the initiative to contact.

So if you’re not going to message him and he doesn’t message within 2 days of the date, then I’d say there’s no potential.

No later than next day if interested.

Within 2-3 days for polite brush-off.

Longer than that and he's a ghost (because few people are that busy, or have a catastrophic emergency that leaves them incommunicado).

But always remember - nothing to stop you messaging if you're interested.

48 hours. Sometimes people have busy lives.

Depends. 1st date I'd assume next day. Next few dates within a few days. Regular dating I'd expect general chitchat between dates.

But I've been married 25 years now and so my info is hugely out of date.

Another possibility is that they might not think about things in the same way as you. They might like to leave things a few days, so as not to crowd the other person, for example.

People have some funny ideas about what's right/wrong, and what means what. I'd love to see the guidance notes, if anybody has them, on this behaviour stuff. I thought we all did things our own way, and tried to meet likeminded people...

Oh I always thought the person who wasn't texted was the ghost. I don't know why!

@Watchkeys so when would you like to hear by?

Do you really not message people you've just been out with (friends, not just dates) because you're worried about crowding them?

I joined OLD last year..my experience (6 blokes dated before I met a keeper) was that most messaged as soon as they got home to say they’d enjoyed the date. Two followed up for a second date within 24 hours. One asked for a second date at the end of the first (the keeper!). One never messaged again (I was okay with that, he was very dull). I’d say in theory 24-48 hours, might be doing a treat me mean type thing, but most of mine messaged once they were home checking I’d got home okay and to say they’d enjoyed it.

I should get this thread deleted. Just had a message from him - he's not interested. Thanks to everyone for their replies to my OP.

Sorry.
At least he had the courtesy to let you know.

I wouldn't be crowding a date with messages after 24 hours, if I was dating, no. If I was interested, I would have made it clear at the end of the previous date that I intended to see them again, then I'd be in touch re arranging that. So, if I'd said 'Yeah, it's been lovely, lets meet again next week, I'll look forward to it!' on a Monday, I wouldn't be sending them messages on Tuesday about how I loved meeting them. I'd be in touch towards the end of the week to make arrangements. It worked for me, so I can't knock it.

Also, I don't think you can group friends in with people you've met once for a date. Might as well lump your grandad and the vet in there. Totally different relationships, different expectations, different communication schedules.

Yes, I'd message anyone, whether vet, grandparent, friend or date after a meeting. I really don't see why you wouldn't. Because the relationships might be of different types, but they're still relationships and with people I have regard for, so I stay in touch.

A friendly message after meeting someone isn't something I'd ever see as crowding. I think it has changed during my lifetime, with the arrival of mobile phones (as comms became so much easier/quicker/more non-commital then)

Yes, @AuntieStella , my point was that not everybody thinks the same way as you. I don't, and it worked for me. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm saying that you didn't write the textbook, and other ways than yours are acceptable, whether you understand them or not.

Sorry. It stings badly I know.

Oh, bugger. Sorry @Clarentine Glad he had the decency to say so, though. Nobody is compatible with everybody, and you wouldn't want to be with someone who kept you waiting anyway. Don't forget that he wasn't right for you, either.

I expect him to message me to say again that the date was good and I looked cute and to ask if I arrived safely home if night time.

If they're keen they tend to send a message immediately after the date or at the latest early the next morning to say they had a nice time/ask if you got home safe. I would assume if you've not heard anything by next morning then they're not that interested. If you've not heard anything two days later you can assume you've been ghosted.