Why does ghosting feel so awful?

[beerandpoles]

I'm probably being dramatic, but I just got back on OLD a few weeks ago. I'm a lesbian and matched with a woman who was pursuing me. We have a date set up for this weekend. We have texted quite a bit, voice notes and had a few phone calls.

However, the past few days she's been really off. Yesterday I contacted her and she never responded for over 12 hours - fair enough. It was Easter and she was busy with her family, but her reply was very short and didn't acknowledge anything I'd said in last message. She then sent me a picture of what she was up to and I just replied 'looks like fun! Enjoy'.

I then woke up this morning with two missed calls from her at 1 am this morning and then she had sent me 2 videos at 6 am this morning. I replied at 8 am just acknowledging the videos and saying that I was sleeping when she had called and asked if she had had a good day/night? And since then there has been complete radio silence.

Once again, fair enough, assumed she was just hungover. However, she's been watching my instagram stories almost as soon as they're posted.

I'll leave it at that and maybe I'm just being dramatic as I've been out of the game for so long. I just know that whenever she texts me I get excited and am eager to reply. I haven't came across too eager either, I'd just say pretty normal. I don't text constantly and sometimes the conversation will naturally end at me so it's not like I am forcing it.

I have been in this situation before with men, you can just tell when there's been a change in contact/vibe. It's very odd.

I feel so disappointed which is ridiculous as I haven't met her yet. Will I be over it in a few days? I feel like I'm constantly checking my phone today.

You're creating drama where there is none. You haven't been ghosted - she's just chosen not to get in touch. Until she's maybe drunk or it suits her at times that demonstrate lack of basic manners.

You'll drive yourself mad if you approach every OLD contact like this. Find some other interests.

I suspect perhaps she feels a bit embarrassed that she drunkenly phoned you a few times and is trying to appear a bit cooler and less intense for a bit. Of course it could be that she's suddenly gone off you, but doesn't seem like it if she's viewing your insta stories. I find the early days of dating always hard because you don't know the other person well enough to know their messaging habits, you are often over analyse messages you send and messages you recieve and it's easy to get carried away. If you like her I'd just send a breezy message to be honest about something and see if she replies. If not then sad but time to move on, if she does then great.

Agree with the others. I think she drunk called you and feels embarrassed.

I also agree with those who say drunk calling someone you've never met at 1am and again at 6am is a red flag.

I think you eed to step away from the trying to understand what she is doing mindset and consider whether this is a pattern of behaviour you're likely to see more of (I think it probably is) and whether that's what you want from a relationship.

Yes, if all was good until the calling and messaging overnight then she might be cringing. To be fair we all do silly things occasionally so if she seems decent then it might be worth another try. If you're still interested and want to see what's what, you could give her a message with a question or suggestion for Sat. If she doesn't reply or fobs you off then fine. Delete and move on. Be prepared that this might happen though and take it on the chin. At least you'll have drawn a line under it.

I will say though that you need a thick skin for OLD and can't get invested so early on. Meet quickly in future (if this one doesn't work out!) and keep your expectations low until you know each other in person. I've been here- taken it very personally that someone I barely know has either disappeared or lost interest and it is far too painful and disproportionate to keep doing that. Better to keep your emotional guard up until something is established. If they change their mind then tell yourself that you don't know why because you don't really know them so it doesn't matter. They don't really know you so it isn't personal. You're just not really their type or the timing or chemistry weren't right.

She's got in touch, just a 'how are you today?'

Great news OP looks like your worries were unfounded happily 😊

Did you reply?

Definitely keep us posted OP, hope all goes well

You haven't been ghosted, she just sounds like a random/sporadic communicator. You haven't met yet, once you click in real life the contact should be better. Some people don't invest much until they've met.