I’ve been no contact with my mother for about 10 years, because of her emotionally abusive behaviour towards me and then towards my dc. For many years I tried to work things through with her, because I really wanted to have a relationship with her, but I eventually realised it was impossible.
As what appears to be really typical behaviour going by the many threads I’ve read on MN, I have been shunned and vilified by family and now have very limited contact with most of them.
My dsis, who lives abroad, has come to visit the U.K. for a few weeks. I’ve seen the photos on FB of her get togethers with family and it breaks my heart, especially when I see happy photos of other people with their mums and wider family. I feel so down about it, I haven’t been able to stop crying this weekend, and I even have suicidal thoughts at times (although I do not plan on killing myself). I feel like there’s something wrong with me, like I’m damage and a bad person, and tbh it’s humiliating too. How do I move past this? I’ve had therapy in the past but nothing really helps me shift this feeling. People who haven’t been in this situation just don’t get it and I just don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry for all the self pity. I just needed to tell someone how I’m feeling.