Feeling so flat. End of a Romance.

[Livelifelaughter]

My relationship ended almost two weeks ago, it pains me to say that. In short he felt overwhelmed and scared coupled with a now difficult divorce (he was separated for a few years) financial problems (the loss of a lucrative business) and a daughter (age 24 ) who is finding the whole move from separation to divorce very upsetting.
He is constantly on my mind, I wake up thinking about him, I feel so sad and distracted. The break up was by telephone and he was very upset, it came out in conversation tumbling out. I can't remember feeling such pain, I feel exhausted most of the time just from mentally processing everything.
We are meant to be meeting in person later this week just to talk and reflect; for me I would like some clarity on why he can't share his problems, why we can't cool things down and redefine our relationship.

I cannot imagine he feels better, we shared so much of our thoughts and feels.

Maybe this is just a ramble. Every minute of my day has been occupied seeing friends and I still feel truly sad. Any thoughts ?

Maybe it just want meant to be OP. Sounds like he has an awful lot going on, and maybe no time for you just now.

It shows a wonderful amount of selfawareness that you both realise this and decide to split imho.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. How long were you together for?
I'm not sure if this is the right or wrong thing for you both, but maybe your chat will make you both realise that you can work something out. It's hard to know if he's trying to spare you all the stress and angst that will come along with his divorce and the loss of his business and the inevitable financial problems that will come with that. Or whether he's just thinking purely of himself. You know him best and hopefully you'll know if he is being sincere if he agrees to give it another go.
Best of luck 💐

I think it's worth keeping in mind that everybody feels like this at the end of a relationship, even people who have ended the relationship themselves. It can take a while to clear, and that's ok. We don't have to be happy all the time. It's ok to feel low, sad, flat, miserable, even. Keep the eating/sleeping rhythm as best you can, go for a walk every day, and eventually, like fog, it will lift.

We've all been through it. It doesn't last forever. Have a think about how you would like your life to look in 5 years. Would you like to speak another language? Play an instrument? Cook certain dishes? Run 5ks/marathons? Get a degree/change career? These are things separate from whether or not you have a relationship, and they will keep you afloat in times of emotional turbulence. See if there's anything you could start looking into. It's a very healthy way of distracting yourself. Also, Minstrels and Netflix may help. Indulge yourself. You need some mollycoddling right now, and you're the best person to do it.

Funny how men are perfectly fine at starting a new relationship then want out when it gets too consuming or serious for them. He's just not feeling it anymore, excuses about divorce, I would take as a pinch of salt, when they want someone, nothing stops them! meeting up isn't going to do any good, you'll likely to get up feeling led on, used or even more upset that he definitely doesn't want you. Come to your own acceptance that it's over, life isn't over just this relationship, you will feel sad but you keep going and making plans for your own future.

Exactly, lets try and turn a negative into a positive OP. It didn't work out with this guy but you can find a lovely new hunky fella, who's super buff and has a big willy and crucially no ex-relationship baggage.

xx

@samestyle

Women start relationships and then end them for their own reasons, too. No need to make this into a gender battle.

Assuming your male then Watchkeys!

Are you? Doesn't really matter what you assume, does it? Men end relationships, women end relationships. If you think I'd have to be a man to know that, then there's little point in any further discussion.

All the best.

Sorry for the derail, OP.

You're easily wound up up aren't you watch keys 😂

No, but as I say, what you assume about me isn't really relevant to the thread. Unless you think this is helping OP?

Perfect reply

I appreciate the sentiment. But I literally haven't loved anyone as much since my marriage ended 15 years ago, yes I have dated etc but honestly at age 54 it's really hard to meet men, let alone men that you want to be with and add a glimmer of hope to your life x

I have been in relationships where I have simply gone off someone and ones where it's happened to me. But honestly I think he's in a very bleak place, it's a difficult divorce, a very emotionally demanding adult child who never approved of his relationship, a failing business that he built up over 20 years, liquidating all his investments to pay for mortgages on a heavily leveraged house. I see what you're saying but he was telling me he can't actually control the thoughts in his head...

Age really doesn't matter. I know a few couples who've been older than you when they've met, and I was middle aged myself when I met my partner.

It can matter like anything can matter. If you have frizzy hair, it can make you feel you can't have a relationship. If you work too hard, if your family are a pain, if you're short on time... but honestly, people in those situations have all started happy relationships, as have 54 year olds. It's a problem if you let it be.

You managed to meet this guy, so compatible men aren't impossible to find, are they..? Have a break. Take it easy. Be really really nice to yourself. And don't worry about it. Just recover, for now.

I realise you were writing this last year, OP. But I can hear your pain and wish I could have helped. I hope you’re much happier now. Be kind to yourself.

@Ofcourseshecan thank you so much for your response. I sort of delayed this response because I didn't quite know what to say...
It's been really hard, on a day to day basis I am fine. But I do feel as though I am still sad deep inside. I know part of me is holding out to hear him say " I made a massive mess, please forgive me".
I have gone on dates, but I feel a flatness. I shouldn't care about his life but I find myself checking his social media which I know is stupid. I know he has massive issues and those won't be resolved. But I feel that void of traversing my days alone without being anyone's particular priority...