Men on OLD - confused!

[Confuzzled2]

So I went out with a man last Wednesday. It had been quite a rocky start because he has two children (whereas I’m child-free), and he rearranged our first date multiple times due to childcare arrangements. Anyway, I ended up having a nice time on the Wednesday, and I really fancied him, and he seemed head-over-heels with me. He was adamant that he was looking for something long-term, and that he was ready for a new relationship, and wasn’t generally interested in a quick f*. He was really eager to arrange a second date. Anyway, we arranged to meet on Friday, but then he rearranged that due to other commitments, and I was very disappointed and told him that it probably wasn’t going to work if he doesn’t have any time to date/build a relationship and keeps rearranging. So that was that.

Anyway, I’ve since seen him on a dating app again, where his profile says “Only looking for short-term fun”. What’s that about? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m starting to completely distrust all men now.

That's an easy decision he's made for you, just block the time waster. Sorry you've been through this, unfortunately a lot of liars out there, that will lie they want a relationship in desperate attempt to get sex, and realised it'll be too much effort with you.
Don't give up, but keep going, just like this one they can't pretend for too long.

@samestyle It just makes me really suspicious now, because he seemed so genuine and earnest when he was saying how he wanted a long-term relationship. Most people have sex early doors now as well, so how long should you make them wait to be assured that they’re not just after one thing and one thing only? Another aspect of this is that he was really heavy with the compliments, which now makes me think again, it was just a way of getting into bed. At the time, I just thought he was really into me 🤷🏼‍♀️ Very upsetting tbh!

I'd suggest that until you know ANYone well not just a romantic date you take what they say lightly and don't believe that they are necessarily speaking the truth

Gradually, as you get to know them -- friend or romantic date), you will learn more about them and can read between the lines more easily

People generally show you who they truly are after a while

Block, move on.

Charitable read — all the faffing setting up your date helped him realise that long-term dating isn't what he's up for just now, and he's changed his mind.

Uncharitable read — he was trying to charm you into bed with flattery, you resisted, so he moved on/gave up/decided to be more upfront next time.

He's saved you some time, I suppose. 'Thank u, next' as the great philosopher Ariana Grande once said.

I wouldn't take anything on a profile too seriously.
He may have been playing you, saying what you wanted to hear, or may have decided you are right - he needs to put his kids first, and so short term non serious is better.
He may put only short term fun then meet the love of his life and change his mind.

What a shit bag.
With OLD I always say I'm looking for something casual and you see the real side of men very quickly.

Don't let past experience with one tosser discolour your future experiences. Each man is different, they're not a hive mind, the right one will not mess you around.

@Knullrufs The charitable reading did cross my mind to be honest! From the very little that I knew of him, he seemed besotted with his children, so it may just be that he realised long-term wasn’t the right solution for him.

Anyway, back to the drawing board 🤣🤣

If you want to see another reason why you have had a lucky escape.......read the step parents board.

He needs to rethink what he wants. And I guess he has. Guy I was seeing recently has 2 kids 100% custody and it became so hard to see
him. A real shame as I really liked him, and he liked me, just wrong timing I guess as his ex was supposed to start seeing the kids again and didn’t. Didn’t meet him on OLD but he did ask me out, but guess then he realised he had bit off more than he could chew

Sorry this happened, this was time wasted for you but it's how things work in OLD unfortunately, you have ZERO references from these men so they all come with a TADAAA!..."bag of surprises". This guy could have mislead you or not. He might have good intentions when he first created his profile thinking he really wanted a long term thing, then after meeting you a couple of times and realising how messy it is to date when you got kids so can't handle a long term thing. He's just realised he can only handle a quick shag so he's changed his profile. Nothing wrong here and you both have learned a lesson. There's a few men looking for long term so greener pastures await you, keep pursuing and don't take these confused men too personal.

Online dating veteran's advice: truth never needs to declare itself. If someone specifies what they are not looking for, then assume the opposite. A man who is genuinely not looking for a quick fuck would seldom if ever state this explicitly. Why would he need to?

because Tinder is full of guys looking for a shag, there are however a few ones looking for a LTR (I have met them!) but that's not the norm. Sad but true.

I’m starting to completely distrust all men now

Well, that makes no sense. Dating isn't 'meet and perfection follows'. It's 'meet and see if you're compatible or not'.

What you're saying is similar to 'I went shopping for jeans, looked around in Paperchase, and found nothing. I'm starting not to trust shops!'

This is just one bloke, fishing around trying to work out what he wants. He doesn't get to design how you feel about men. If he does, ask yourself why you want to give him that power. Or the other guys who may have come before.

You are going to encounter people who do and say things you don't expect or like. Stick with the people you find interesting, engaging, and who do things in a way that make sense to you. Walk away from the rest; there are millions of them, you won't be able to avoid them. Your responsibility to yourself is to walk away untainted from incompatible people, before you get involved to the extent that it will leave any kind of lasting emotional mark on you.