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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating 10 weeks - have I been friend zoned?

7 replies

Usercannotbefound · 10/04/2023 13:26

Wanted to hear some opinions on whether I should be having “the conversation” or going with the flow!

Context. I’ve been dating someone for 10 weeks - meeting up twice a week for dinner, drinks, cinema, coffee. From the off we were very communicative via phone - texts throughout the day and phone calls sometimes a couple of times in the day/ evening. Initially the texts had been very flirty - some sexy innuendos and expression that he wanted to have sex. We still speak the same amount now but the conversation isn’t very flirty from his side and kind of how you would speak to a friend. I’ve found that I am always instigating the meet ups although he normally suggests what we do. We get on really well and the communication is there as frequently but maybe the tone has changed.

We have only had sex twice in this time. I would like it to be more.

Does it sound like I’m being friend zoned or just things have settled so soon and less exciting? We’ve shared a lot of personal stuff but for the past month not really said how we feel about each other.

We are early 40s, no kids.

Would you suggest I ask how he feels or just enjoy how we are for now?

OP posts:
Gingergirl70 · 10/04/2023 13:39

Hi OP, do you have another date already planned.or do you think he's waiting for you to instigate this again?
I think the flirty messages always will and do start to fade eventually but maybe not immediately you start a sexual relationship - you would expect them to escalate maybe during this stage?
It's hard to know whats happening really, you are in the best place to judge that, but I do hope it's not a case of he's gotten what he wanted and is now losing interest. You certainly deserve more.
I think you could initiate a conversation asking how he thinks things are going but I'm a firm believer of actions speaking louder than words. If the dates continue, he's putting in equal time and effort into arranging dates, you're enjoying your time together and the intimate side of things start to develop at a pace you'd like, I wouldn't worry too much about the less flirty messages.

bumblebeees · 10/04/2023 13:41

As above

samestyle · 10/04/2023 13:53

My thoughts are he's a bit unsure but seeing how things go. It would be too dull for me, when you both feel the chemistry, you know and can't wait to see each other. I would also have a chat, no point stringing it out, also how do you honestly feel about him and can you envision it going somewhere, after 10 weeks you should feel less confused than you are.

MMmomDD · 10/04/2023 13:54

I guess the question is are you actually enjoying the way you are now? And what your expectations for a relationship are in general.

To mw it seems like he is either really shy and slow to open up OR has a low libido.
Sex twice in 10 weeks - well. I’d give it a little bit more time to wait and see and then decide.
Early 40s is too young to settle for no libido. But some people may be OK with it.

Unless it’s shyness that improves with time - low libido won’t get any better.
If you aren’t ripping each other clothes at the honeymoon phase - and it will only become less and less with time .

Zanatdy · 10/04/2023 14:54

Sex twice in 10wks sounds very low unless you waited a good while before the first time. This should be the time you’re in the honeymoon phase, sex 2-3 times everytime you see him. That was me and the guy I was seeing recently but we had a huge amount of chemistry and could only see each other every fortnight or so, so we fitted in as much sex as possible. I’d be wondering why he didn’t want sex or more (unless you don’t want it)

Watchkeys · 10/04/2023 15:46

I'd suggest trying to meet someone who doesn't make you feel you need advice from a forum on how to conduct your relationship.

If you don't instinctively talk to your partner first, they're not the right person for you.

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/04/2023 16:03

How was the sex?! Twice in ten weeks sounds very sporadic, what's the story there?

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