STBX and his new extended family

[Whatsrheday]

Any words of wisdom

STBX left me with our young kids for much younger OW

They now have their own child

She has a massive extended family. Her parents are the same age as me & STBX so they have energy to host family gatherings (started doing this on days my DC have contact with their dad & includes his family) and she has young siblings of her own. Lots of pairs of hands to help with the kids.

I can’t magic up an extended family
One of the DC has SEN so it’s difficult to host here

Maybe this was one of the things he liked about her. She came with a large extended family. It was hard for us with the kids without help. They have help.

STBX is a covert narcissist
I realise he may just be doing this for show

Comparison is the thief of joy. Try not to focus on what he/they are doing, just enjoy your family the best you can. I know that's not easy, but I do think your life would be better for not letting these ideas percolate and become bigger than they are.

Your SEN child may kit like the larger gatherings with strangers. Sometimes kids get tired at these events. If not they are having a nice time they’re doing something they wouldn’t get to do normally. They will still love doing things just with you. Even if it’s the park or baking at home. Sometimes kids get a bit ignored at big family gatherings. So please don’t compare what you can do with them to the other family.

Brilliant advice
Thank you both

See it as good for your DC, they enjoy it and experience that extended family dynamic whilst you have a well deserved break plus you can relax knowing the DC will be properly cared for.

Her parents are the same age as him??😱

It might all look lovely for now but with an age gap like that I don't think it will be plain sailing for them!

Try not to focus on what they are doing and focus on your relationship with your kids and enjoying your time with them.

And, as hard as it is, be happy that your kids are no doubt having fun there with the extended family and are being included.
Do nice things just for you when they are there, try to treat yourself and enjoy the downtime.

And maybe just think about how hard he is going to have to work to keep up with his much, much younger partner....

She's married a man the same age as her dad. I'd feel sorry for them both. She's clearly got daddy issues and he's revolting.

Her family probably don't like him much being as he's so much older, so it's probably not as idyllic as it sounds!

They aren’t married yet - we still are, but now divorcing!!

My elderly STBX inlaws are included in the gatherings now but I suppose this is better for my DC as more people to keep an eye on them

Yes, there’s only about 5 years between STBX and her parents. I got the impression from the way they included him so readily (he earns a lot) they did like him but who knows?!

Nobody REALLY likes their daughters new boyfriend being 20 (?) years old than her and coming with multiple children in tow. They may accept it for her sake for now, but as soon as the cracks start to show they'll be in her ear ensuring she puts herself first not him/them (of course this is right!).

So just sit back and watch the fall out. Make a secure home for your children with you.

They love their daughter so are being good parents and trying to accept him but I am sure they aren't thrilled that she has chosen a man nearly as old as them and with so much baggage.
I wouldn't be over the moon if either of my daughters did that but I would support them and try my best to include their chosen partner for fear of driving a wedge between us and because I love them. But the pp is right, as soon as it goes wrong - which it will - they won't be encouraging her to stick around.

Don't waste your time on this, it's got disaster written all over it, just be sure to be the constant in your children's lives.

Naive question maybe but, if things start to go wrong, why would her parents encourage her not to stick around
(bear with me - it’s just my parents had a very different parenting style and would encourage staying together at all costs)