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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this what breaking up feels like

5 replies

Madderthanamadting · 10/04/2023 07:33

Been together 24 years , 2 children preteen and teen .
Husband has been pursuing his own dreams for a few years .Walking holidays , building career .
I became stay at home mum , unpaid help .
I love my children and don't want to leave them in his care . He is quite selfish and quick tempered and I often have to step in to resolve conflict .

I decided on Saturday to take some time . I went out for afternoon with a friend . He often does this , says he works all week and likes to take himself off for a walk or too a friends . Sometimes he sits in another room watching his tv drinking a beer and falls asleep .
I return home before bed .
Yesterday we went out as a family , it was tense and he was sharp so our teen told him off for how he spoke to me. I didn't challenge her .

Last night I went to bed early because I have a health condition and was I pain . Don't often do this , but children were settled . Eldest in room , youngest in bedroom next door talking to friends on iPad .

I was woken at 9pm by him putting tv on , then I realised my youngest 9 was crying by bed asking to say goodnight to me . He was telling her to get to bed in a not nice tone . I got up to comfort her and put her to bed . She said Dad had shouted at her to go to bed when she was on iPad with friends and she was embarrassed. She said he refused to do hot water bottle or drink and just put her in bed and that's why she was upset .
I took hot water bottle to him in bed and asked if he could fill it while I settled her . This turned into s shouting match , him refusing then marching through to her room to challenge her lies . She said he had asked her 3 times but it was holidays and only 9 o'clock.

I slept in her room because she asked me too , eldest asked to be left alone

I don't want to be with him anymore , he has the short temper but pushes it into me

I've cried all night and children have seen it , I can't stop the tears and feel so guilty
He's asleep of course and today will be all my fault

OP posts:
LongLostNailVarnish · 10/04/2023 07:38

end it. He's horrible and makes your and dc life miserable.

you will have to be strong and keep the end game insight. if you aren't in a position to spilt now start making plans.

Flowers
HVPRN · 10/04/2023 07:49

It depends. In other areas of your life, does he make you happy?
Is it just the short temper that you can perhaps talk through, or has the relationship run it's course? Are there other things bothering you both?

Sometimes situations like this need a good conversation and opening of hearts. Ask him if he is happy, find out the route of his short temper (work stress, life stress, being a parent stress) talk about you going back to work/find a new hobby just for you (he has walking) so you have lots of different things to talk about - good for you for 'me time' too. Maybe ask if he wants to spend more time with the children 121 he might want this (get to know what 'ages & stages' they're at so he may not lose it so easily with the children if he re-bonds).

Only you know what's best and what you want in your heart.
Only you both know if the relationship is still burning & worth restarting (albeit pilot light on low!) or the fire has completely gone out.

junebirthdaygirl · 10/04/2023 08:19

Make sure the breaking up doesn't become about the dc in their hearing as they will blame themselves and feel responsible.

Sounds like dh has completely disengaged . He sounds horrible. How would you be fixed financially? Start by seeing a solicitor and checking this out.

FinallyHere · 10/04/2023 08:25

So sorry to read how difficult this all is for you.

If you mean what I think you mean when you write he 'pushes it into you' then please start your plans to get out of this situation as quickly and as safely as you can.

No one should have to put up with that.

HVPRN · 11/04/2023 16:25

FinallyHere · 10/04/2023 08:25

So sorry to read how difficult this all is for you.

If you mean what I think you mean when you write he 'pushes it into you' then please start your plans to get out of this situation as quickly and as safely as you can.

No one should have to put up with that.

I missed that part.. did I read it wrong/miss the hint?

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