Wwyd

[namechange1032]

I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s. I'm now 50 so it was a long time ago now. When I split up with my ex I had a breakdown: constant panic attacks, flash backs and agoraphobia. I had a twitch in my neck and a nervous cough.

During this time I saw a lot of my cousin and obviously spoke to her a lot about my ex. Fast forward to a few years ago. I mentioned my ex to my cousin and she said what did you expect, you're not exactly easy to get on with. I was really shocked by that as she knew how I'd suffered after the split and how, even now, that relationship affects me.

I thought myself and my cousin were friends up until that point. She did it again. I was on the phone to her and she said I know you say he was abusive but I liked him. I don't understand how you can like someone who abused a person you care about. I felt as though when I was talking about my ex all those years ago, she was inwardly rolling her eyes and thinking I deserved it.

I thought we were great friends but she's done a lot more to me than that. But it's because of that that I can't forgive her. She turned up at my place and said she was going to kill herself if I wasn't friends with her again. I told her to stop emotionally manipulating me.

Now her mum has died. I didn't attend the funeral as her mum wasn't a particularly nice person and I don't want to see my cousin. She's been on the phone to my mum saying that I didn't even send a card. I'm now feeling guilty that maybe I should have gone to the funeral and sent a card. Wwyd? Would you send a card or just leave it?

Sorry to hear about what you went through.

What your cousin says sounds very strange and and sounds perhaps she had an interest in him.

Saying you were easy to be with is absolutely ridiculous, unfair and not on.

perhaps you could have sent a card as its still family but I understand why you didn't. Also manipulating you by claiming to want to want to commit suicide is absolutely ridiculous too. If give her a wide berth to be fair. You don't have to go Nc but I would leave her a message to say I am truly sorry to hear Aunt Mary passed away and I do wish i could have been there but I am having a hard time at the minute. I want you to know I think of you and your family at this difficult time. I just need some time to focus on my wellbeing and mental health. I will speak to you soon. Take care.

But then again she may she needs you to be there for her after the death of her mother, which is pretty hard going.

But the suicide threats and blaming you for your exes abusive behaviour is not acceptable at all.

Wish you all the best

Leave it , block her, and look up Lisa Romano’s videos on narcissism, or the Fairytale Shadows blog. Your cousin is following the script, even down to trying to make your mother into a “flying monkey” to manipulate you.

block her. Be strong. She’s hurt you enough.

it doesn’t matter that you didn’t send a card. You don’t owe her a thing.

I'd give her a wide berth *

Not if* give her a wide berth/birth. Whatever the saying goes

Jesus, threatening to kill herself is a childish act in these circumstances especially as she is the one that has behaved out of order.

I completely understand your position on wanting to give her a wide berth and being very upset with her for what she has said. However, her mum just died and you didn't make contact with her? Even a card or message would have been better than nothing.

You have to be open and honest here otherwise the waters are muddied. You didn't go as you weren't close to her mum but also need a break from her due to recent behaviour. How long that break is for depends on her response.