I have a male friend who I met at my previous place of work in around 2017. He wasn’t from around where I live, he lives much further up north but we would speak frequently on the phone about work related things at work.
I left my job after maternity leave about 2 years after this and we stayed in touch on Facebook and around the same time myself and my ex split and him and his partner split up. I really felt like we had created a good friendship bond, we got on really well and we was there for each other during our break ups and ever since we have stayed in contact speaking on the phone not as regularly as before but I’d say once a month and we would text and check in about once a fortnight.
he met a new partner about 3 years ago and they split up a few month back. He had confided in me that she enjoyed a drink a bit too much on nights out and she would frequently get so drunk she couldn’t stand up and he was extremely worried. He said he had given her an ultimatum and said it’s the drink or him and she had apparently chosen the drink so she moved out etc.
I know he is devastated by this and he claims he’s had a break down (I do believe that).
anyway, he phoned me about 3 weeks ago and asked if it would be ok for him to come down (he’s been to my house before so I was comfortable with it) and stay over(never stayed over before), we could go out for tea and have a catch up and also that he was due at a meeting close to where I live for 10am so it would save him travel time. I thought ok no problem, makes sense and it would be good to see him in person as the last time we saw each other was in October last year.
i said will be he ok sleeping in the spare bedroom and he said no he would rather cuddle with me… I laughed it off and said the spare room will have to do for him and he said that’s fine.
so he arrived at my house and straight away I could smell stale alcohol on him. We set off in a taxi to a local pub to get our tea and he was telling me again about the break up.. but this time he told me a totally different story as to why this happened. I didn’t question this, just made a mental note of it.
I got my tea but he didn’t get any food just sank back a few pints and then I suggested we should leave as it was about 8.30/9pm by this point.
he insisted on stopping at a petrol station on the way home and getting some wine, I said I was ok for any more drinks (I had 2 gins at the pub, I’m not a big drinker but I was happy knowing I was within my limits). We got back to mine and he polished this bottle of wine off in record time. He was moving closer and closer to me on sofa and eventually had his hand on my leg which i brushed off but put it down as he was comfortable with me.
anyway about 12 I was more than ready for bed, I was dropping hints yawning etc and then thought why am I dropping hints in my own house and said I’m going to bed but if you want to stay up you can do (I trusted him) he said no I’ll go to bed as well. I went upstairs first quickly put my pjs on, shut my door and got into bed and went to sleep.
About 4am he came in my room and woke me up by lifting up my quilt and ushering me to move up which I did in a sleepy haze and he got in bed and started spooning me.. I wasn’t very comfortable with this but he said he was cold in the spare room and I thought that maybe he felt a bit sad and lonely given what he was going through so I allowed it.
he started touching me and groping me and asked if I wanted to do this and I said no I know you’ve got a lot going on at the minute and he said ok no problem and resumed the spoon… and then he started again. I was stiff As a board, legs clamped shut I don’t believe I was giving him any indication that i wanted this to carry on but for some reason I allowed it. He didn’t have sex with me, he was touching me under my pj top and eventually got to down there. I was thinking should I just do it? Or not?
i let him do it but I don’t know why. I didn’t enjoy it and wanted him to stop but I don’t know why I didn’t say anything.
he stayed in my bed for the rest of the morning and left about 10am but I just wanted him to leave but as silly as it sounds I didn’t want to come across as rude!!
I haven’t spoke to him since he left but I feel upset by him getting into bed with me and the touching happening. I feel like he had used me to make himself feel better and I have really seen him in a different light now especially with the discrepancy in the break up story and I think he is a narcissist from this new story he told me.. I think at the time I was a bit worried about the situation I had found myself in, with him having so much to drink on assuming an empty stomach and this new light I have become to see him in. I just wanted it over.
I don’t want to through around the SA word but I really do think he has over stepped the mark after twice being told no (1. To the sleeping arrangement and 2. When he asked me if I wanted to) but I don’t know if I’m just feeling ashamed and a bit guilty about the whole thing
sorry that it’s so long I wanted to get everything in.
please be kind in your responses 💕