This may be long & convoluted, but I'm very tearful today and can't sort out my mind.
I will start by saying I know my DS was in the wrong and I have spoken to him about his unacceptable behaviour/ language and he has apologised.
Yesterday we went shopping to buy 16yr old DS a new bed, as he's now 6ft 2" & his childhood bed is no longer suitable. We went to a retail park where there are a number of shops so lots of choice. DS wasn't feeling great, and was a typical grumpy teenager. We pulled up at shop no. 1 and he started to moan, saying "why the fuck are we here, I don't care about a new bed...."
As I said, I've told him that he can't speak to people like that and he has since apologised so this is really NOT about his language /ungratefulness.
DH got very angry and turned around (DH driving, DS behind passenger seat) and started to hit DS repeatedly, telling him "how dare you speak to me like that..... you ungrateful shit...." DS said stop hitting me, but DH kept at it. It wasn't hard, I don't think, it certainly wasn't a beating - DH was leaning back & slapping DS. I told him to stop but he didn't, so I got out of the car and went into the shop without them.
A few minutes later DH joined me and said "you never back me up, his behaviour was unacceptable and you said nothing", I told him that hitting DS is never OK and that I didn't get a chance to say anything because he was hitting him. This was a very loud argument that I didn't wantin the middle of a furniture shop, then DH said he was leaving and he did. DS came in then and I told him that his language & attitude was not on, but also it's not OK that DH hit him, in fact it's never ok to hit anyone.
DS apologised and we picked out a new bed for him.
We were probably in the shop for 20 minutes and in that time DH must have driven somewhere and come back because he was parked somewhere different when we came out. We got into the car and DH drove home in a fit of silent rage, even though the plan was to do other shopping while out.
When we got home DH got out and I told DS to stay in the car, he & I then went out again and finished our shopping.
Anyway long story.... DH is still angry at me, saying I should have given out to DS. I told him I didn't get a chance, and no matter what it's not OK to hit him. But apparently DH is "only human" and I don't need to keep telling him.
The atmosphere in the house is awful, I can't see it improving. I'm out for a walk for 2 hours now, but need to go home soon. I hate it, I don't want to live like this, but short of pretending it's all OK now what can I do?
DH and DS have both now apologised to each other.