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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me stop being nervous around MIL

1 reply

HasAnybodySeenMyTambourine · 09/04/2023 07:47

Please help. When I'm around my MIL I'm a nervous wreck. It's like in Keeping up Appearances. I'm the Elizabeth to her Hyacinth Bucket.

For context - I've been with my husband since we were teenagers. Over fifteen years now. When I first met MIL I was very socially awkward and had chronic low self esteem. I was intimidated by her (she's very well spoken, very reserved, much more middle class than me). I know she didn't really approve of me, although she's tried her best and is always kind and welcoming. When we announced our engagement, and then our pregnancies, she's struggled to hide her disappointment.

I'm now a fully grown woman, my husband and I have two lovely children together. I'm very happy, confident and comfortable in myself, and in my day-to-day life can talk to anyone, but around MIL I just seem to revert to a bundle of nerves. I try to please her but never seem to get it right. It's ridiculous to feel this way, I know.

Any tips on how to get myself over this mental block and feel at ease around her?

OP posts:
PeapodBurgundy · 09/04/2023 21:52

I can highly recommend this book to help you rationalise things in your own head. It was recommended to me to help be combat issued with my own (now ex) MIL, and it was revolutionary! It looks quite flippant and lighthearted on the face of it, but there are exercises to work through to help redress your thought patterns and impulses.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-bestselling/dp/1784298468

The author also has a TED talk on the subject. She has changed my perspective on so many things, my life has become much less stressful.

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