Would this bother you (or am I overthinking)

[Overthinkingitornot]

Been together 18months, not living together (both have teenage kids and not feeling any rush or need to blend), get on really well and lots of nice plans ahead too.

My bubble burst when we were out recently and we both had to do some shopping in town so we did this separately then met up again. When I was walking to the meeting point I saw him walking there too just as a young woman jogging past who he watched and then swivelled his head to get a view of her as she went on.

I admit it annoyed me because I didn’t think he was like that. It keeps popping into my head and now I’m wondering if he regularly ogles random women (which I think is gross).

To be honest, I think I know more men who do that sort of thing, than don't.

I've been with some who don't though, so they do exist.

(I briefly dated a man who did that to such an extent at another woman in a restaurant that she actually looked at me inquiringly; even she seemed thrown by a man there with a woman staring at her in such a noticeable manner. He ended the early relationship (though was open to getting back together a year later) and his behaviour is one of the reasons I'm glad he ended it and half it didn't work out).

In his case he was a very traditional guy who's only had two partners, married the second, and who I'd actually say would never cheat.

With another two guys I know who do similar, I think they would.

But what the correlation is between gawping at women and likelihood of cheating is, i don't know.
I suppose even if there isn't one, it's not comfortable to see.

If you don't like it and want to hold out for one the (possibly minority) of men who don't do it; why not? It sounds like you're not tied to or dependant on him in any way.

Incidentally I think women are perfectly capable of clocking attractive men/men with nice physiques etc on the steer or wherever and appreciating them .... It's just we are capable of doing it subtly. Whereas most men don't with the subtlety of a wrecking ball demolishing s tower block.

*street

It happens. You've been incredibly naive to think it doesn't.

It's gross and creepy. No thanks.

Most men do this. Wouldn’t bother me. Don’t you ever see a nice guy and think ooh nice?

Yeah staring to that extent is disgusting.

None of my male friends or family or DH would or have done that. I think if this seems normal you are hanging out with the wrong sort of men!

I would feel exactly the same OP. Talk to him.

I dont know many men that do this, or probably more likely they do it very discreetly. The open stare feels like the preserve of very young single men or older men who haven't grown up.

Personally I find it extremely off-putting

Do you object to him finding this young woman attractive? Or the fact he made it so obvious?

I am hugely in love with my husband and would not dream of being with anybody else at this point in our relationship, yet I still find other people attractive and I might watch an attractive person as they strolled or jogged down the street. I would try and do it in a way that wasn't obvious of course, so as not to make the person uncomfortable. I also would not want my husband to know I was doing this - I'm sure he still finds other people attractive too (I know he does in fact - we have sometimes discussed it) but it still somehow feels a bit disrespectful to make the looking really obvious to ones spouse or partner.....

Maybe your boyfriend didn't think the jogging girl could see him (could she?) and didn't think anybody else could either - did he know you could see him?

I think the lack of discretion in his ogle would give me the ick

Of course we all take a look at attractive people. But to be so obvious is yukky. And disrespectful towards jogging lady

I know guys do this, but he’s never done it in front of me, so I’m not being naive and yes I have noticed a nice looking guy but I wouldn’t ogle them like this, or make it so obvious.

I just didn’t think he was like that, so it’s thrown me a bit.

He hadn’t seen me approach, so didn’t realise I could see him and the woman - who knows, she had headphones on and seemed to be oblivious.

If I was the jogger (I think we are peripherally aware all the time) I would have noticed and been creeped out/embarrassed, but pretended not to notice.

Yeah it's awful when the bubble bursts isn't it. I've known men like this, I've known men not like this (I have my own private checklist to see if a man is the pervy type) so no it's not guaranteed.