If in a long distance relationship do you speak on the phone everyday or is this a potential red flag?

[Sugarandspicee]

Been with my boyfriend coming up 5 months now and things are going good. I didn't think it was a problem but I mentioned to a friend that we WhatsApp everyday from the moment we wake till we go to sleep around work and being busy but as he lives with his parents we don't speak over the phone alot. We will speak on the phone for 20mins most days when he's travelling home from between me finishing work and picking up my children but we don't speak over the telephone in the evenings and didn't think that was a problem but she thinks it's odd. He's never said but I assumed its awkward with living with parents and both just generally being busy in the evenings. Should I consider this a potential red flag?

No, it’s fine.

Dh and I lived in different countries about an 11 hour flight away from each other for 2 years before we got married. I’m not honestly sure we spoke on the phone once in that time. Even now, if one of us calls the other, it’s because someone is potentially dying (only time Dh rang me in the past year, he’d had a motorbike accident and a head injury - he’s fine now! - and was confused about where he was). We did message each other every day though around work and time difference though. I think whatever works for the two of you is fine, but would have annoyed me immensely to have to have a phone conversation with dh everyday. 😂

Your friend seems to be implying it's worrying because he's lying about living with his parents and actually in a relationship and living with a woman? Is that the gist of it? Have you visited him at home and seen where he lives? If you trust him and are confident he doesn't have a secret wife or family then it's fine. I'd be wanting to sometimes call in the eve though - surely he can go into another room to chat?
My long distance BF and I used to chat each day but have dropped down to 2-3 times a week which feels a bit healthier. We message during the day a little bit.

Probably depends how frequent the face-to-face meetings are - weekly, monthly?

It’s fine, most people tend to what’sapp now more speaking. Especially if children are round. My friend and I were speaking the other day about this and her boyfriend has only rang her once, when he was looking for her house! They are perfectly happy messaging.

Not talking js fine.

Though dependant on his age, him living with parents is ??

I had a LDR with someone who did want to talk on the phone every day. It drove me nuts. I stopped it; we broke up not long after. Do your relationship your way. If it works for both of you what’s the issue? (Assuming you have been to where he lives and have met his parents.)

Hmm my stbexh worked overseas we used to talk often and message etc.. then suddenly only started speaking on the phone on his walk home from work - he didn't call or take calls from me at any other time. Needless to say he'd moved in with his new girlfriend and couldn't speak to his wife anymore 🤨 looking back it was a massive red flag. I'd be cautious, try calling out of the blue when you know he's home ..

When we were in a LDR years ago we wanted to talk on the phone every night. Even if just briefly to say good night. It kept our relationship strong. Do you mean he never speaks in the evening, not even a couple of times a week? Presumably he doesn't share a bedroom with his parents so I can't see why this would stop him. I'd definitely ring out the blue like a pp said just to test the reaction.

You talk on the phone every day while he's on his way home but never after that? Hhmm yes I can see now why your friend thinks that is odd.

It sounds like he lives with his wife/girlfriend, rather than his parents. His parents living in the same house isn't going to prevent him from having private conversations in his bedroom.

I went on a few dates with a guy who only messaged. One night, when we'd probably exchanged over a hundred messages in quick succession, I called him as I thought it would be easier just to speak. He never picked up, and about an hour later came back to give some rubbish excuse about looking after his grandma (first I'd heard about this, completely out of the blue). I then said I'd prefer for us to have conversations on the phone, rather than text, and never heard from him again!

More information! We are both 28. He hasn't always lived with his parents but moved back to save for a deposit. I live with my two children. He hasn't met my children and to be honest I struggle to speak on the phone when they are around as they are little and want my full attention and I think he just knows that too. I've not met his parents yet however I have been to their house when they were on holiday to walk his dog with him and he very much lives there so not worried about a second life. He has never said I couldn't call but we just never have. We both go to bed fairly early and after we get home end up doing our own things and just message eachother about random stuff as most of the time we've filled eachother in one our day on the way home from work on the phone. We see eachother atleast once a week if not more when the kids are with ex husband but at my house

Before we lived together we were long distance and I can count on one hand the amount of phonecalls between us. We just always whatsapped. I see no red flags here.

I actually think so too, fine if not all the time but never does seem slightly off

Unless he's constantly whatsapping. If there are big gaps in the evening then possible red flag

“we WhatsApp everyday from the moment we wake till we go to sleep”

I’d say zero concern. You’re constantly in contact, no need to be making phone calls, it’s 2023 - especially with young kids it probably doesn’t even suit you?

Everyone has their preferences and if your friend prefers calls to texting, she can do that to her bf.

Completely unnecessarily creating insecurities in someone else’s seemingly happy and functional relationship.