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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Twisted Words

6 replies

SpicyMoth · 08/04/2023 23:23

Wanted some general advice and to ask if anyone else experiences this w/ friends and family?

I have BPD, and have noticed that I get this more often from those who know I have this mental health thing vs those who don't, but also that it tends to more often come from males than it does females.
Zero assumptions being made, just stating my observations on it.
(This is also specifically in verbal conversations. I don't have these issues in writing. Presumably because, well... It's in writing.)

I will say something that is (imo) pretty mild, for example;
"'X' community is probably the same size as, if not a bit larger than 'Y' community."
And it'll be twisted into the most extreme, ridiculous version, as if I'd said;
"'X' community is triple the size of 'Y' community."

Or for another example ;
"Yes, giving people the benefit of the doubt is great, but it's naïve to think there aren't people who will lie or put on a mask to get what they want."
Then being twisted into;
"Everyone is putting on a mask all the time, and everyone has an ulterior motive."

I'll then get laughed at, or mocked, or talked down to for the "obviously" outlandish thing they say I said, but that I never actually said to begin with...

This typically flusters me quite a bit due to the BPD, and I end up not being able to effectively defend myself and reiterate that that isn't what I said.
In times where I have somehow managed to say that that isn't what I've said, they'll just respond with something in the same vein as;
"No you didn't, you said the extreme thing I said that you said!"

Shutting me down with what feels similar to humiliation by continuing to mock me for a position I don't hold, but they're adamant that I do.
Does anyone else experience this or something similar? Is it a BPD thing, or just a general thing that happens when communicating verbally over written text?
How do you even counter that? How do you respond?

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 08/04/2023 23:43

Hi Op
There are a some /few people in life unfortunately are Dicks and just like to for sake of it, instigate a bit of drama out of anything or to just get off/(get a weird kick , out disagreeing with anybody /creating a reaction to see how certain people will react in any given situation,

Also there is with that kind of individual or some /few people who instigate people's reactions like that creating dramas it's manipulative thing to create verbal smokescreen and mirrors effect of deflected of their personal baggage they are carrying..

It's also gas ⛽️ lightening, ( it's denying/being dismissive of someone's reality...

Thats you in this case

SpicyMoth · 09/04/2023 00:02

Goodread1 · 08/04/2023 23:43

Hi Op
There are a some /few people in life unfortunately are Dicks and just like to for sake of it, instigate a bit of drama out of anything or to just get off/(get a weird kick , out disagreeing with anybody /creating a reaction to see how certain people will react in any given situation,

Also there is with that kind of individual or some /few people who instigate people's reactions like that creating dramas it's manipulative thing to create verbal smokescreen and mirrors effect of deflected of their personal baggage they are carrying..

It's also gas ⛽️ lightening, ( it's denying/being dismissive of someone's reality...

Thats you in this case

Apologies, I'm a bit confused where I denied anyone's reality, could you explain for me please? o.o;

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2023 00:05

@Goodread1 means that these people are gaslighting you. And they are.

SpicyMoth · 09/04/2023 00:12

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2023 00:05

@Goodread1 means that these people are gaslighting you. And they are.

Oh, I see! Apologies - I think I got muddled somewhere there ahaha ^^;;

Is there any "right" way to respond to that sort of thing?

I always end up just dwelling on the conversation silently, going through how I should've responded in the moment, feeling largely embarrassed with myself and pathetic that at 27 years old I am unable to do so :')

OP posts:
Cleotolstoy · 09/04/2023 11:19

If this is a pattern with certain people then you just back off from any meaningful conversation. If they still manage to try and do this just shrug and say 'maybe'. Stick to weather, be dull, slow moving and bored. They'll back off.

SpicyMoth · 09/04/2023 16:49

Cleotolstoy · 09/04/2023 11:19

If this is a pattern with certain people then you just back off from any meaningful conversation. If they still manage to try and do this just shrug and say 'maybe'. Stick to weather, be dull, slow moving and bored. They'll back off.

Thank you so much for your advice, this seems to line up fairly well with how I'm taught to manage some of my BPD symptoms - I'll do this moving forwards and see where it takes me <3
Genuinely thank you so much!

OP posts:
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