Fucked off with disinterested inlaws

[BiscoffBanana]

In laws turned up out the blue today with Easter eggs for dc. They wouldn't sit down, or stop for a cuppa. This was the first time they've been round since Christmas (they live a 10-minute drive away). We've asked them round several times but they're always "too busy" to come- eg on ds's birthday they were "too busy" to see him, but put a card through the letterbox. They wouldnt come round for a slice of birthday cake at a time of their choosing when they were less busy. Same on oh's birthday- card through the door, no interest in any interaction. At Christmas, they dropped gifts off a few days before, and didn't want to pop round to see dc open them on Christmas day ("too busy" cooking their dinner for 2).

I feel we've been ditched by them as we don't get on with sil. This goes back a long way but we've never had any issue with the inlaws, they just seem to be retreating further from us to avoid upsetting her.

I'm gutted that my kids (who used to be close to in laws) are missing out on this relationship. They make a token effort (ie by giving gifts) but avoid spending any time around us/dcs and give really shit excuses when we extend any invitations to them. I just wish they'd actually spend some time with dc instead of just chucking presents at them.

Yep I have in laws like this too. Never bother coming to see us or the kids, just a birthday card through the letterbox despite living 10 mins away. Busy when we ring to see if they are in for a visit. Can't put the phone down quick enough whether we phone them or vice versa yet weirdly in the short times we do see them we get on really well. Most bizarre

I’d stop inviting them to things. If this is how they choose to be your kids aren’t missing much. Shit grandparents aren't better than no grandparents. Take it from someone who knows.

It's more upsetting as they used to be really engaged and see a lot of them, it's just gone downhill over the last few years. They look after sil kids after school 4 days a week and during holidays and are fantastic grandparents to them. I'm gutted mine are missing out.

Don’t give them the privilege of being invited anymore. My MIL does this. Christmas just gone she didn’t even bother to come & see my two children. My partner had to walk to hers to get their presents on Christmas Day, as I was in my PJs & in the middle of doing a roast & so I couldn’t drive him there & she knows he hasn’t passed his test yet.

But she happily visited all her other grandkids on Christmas. So now I’ve told my partner she’s never seeing the kids again, this has been a build up of things over the last 12 years though. I’ve never once given her reason to hate me but she does because in her words “I’ve taken her son away from her.” Even though I’ve done nothing but love her son & treat him respectfully. But that was the final nail in the coffin. Haven’t heard or spoken to her since last year & she randomly popped up to my partner asking to come round tomorrow. I said no simple as. She’s not letting my children down like she let hers down all their lives. But that’s for another day that story.

I know how you feel. It’s disheartening. Always trying to build that relationship to just be let down. Honestly leave them to it. It’s their loss.x

My sil is awful we've had numerous issues with her over the years shit stirring and causing all manner of stuff to push my brother away from us. Despite all this we still haven't let her achieve this and we are the ones making all the effort to go and see my brother and her and my neices we never see. She just has issues with us. No idea why. We never see the kids never get invited and they never come to see us. My brother was very close to our mum before he got with her and to me. It appears he has sacked us all off for a vile woman who hates us all. It really upsets me that my children don't see or even know their own cousins. But we've given up trying now. It's really hard when it's like this hugs OP.

Ugh, it's so hard, isn't it? Why can't people just be nice to each other!

I'd call them out on it

Can you partner speak to them? I've seen this in my wider family and it festers because no one will talk about what actually caused the problem.

Literally I could have wrote this myself.
mine come very little and when they do they either stand at the door or wait outside and we have to go out.

we used to be really close and would often go out together or have tea together days away even holidays.

my sil went funny with me about 5 years ago. ( we used to do everything together) and would have called her one of my best friends.

it really annoys me because when they come mil makes such a big fuss about my dc and I just look at her and want to punch her in the face. It’s so fake.

she has asked once in a blue moon about us doing something together, but I’ve got my guard up now and need to protect myself from getting hurt again.

I don’t have a lot of family on my side or family who really care. So this has been really hard to deal with.

she now has 3 little ones from my sil so she’s pretty happy and smitten with them. So even more reason to not give a shit about mine.

im sorry that this is happening to you, I know it’s soo hard m. Feel free to send me a message to chat x

We can only have the relationships people offer us. Would you want to spend time with someone who was doing it because they had been told to? I would spend time finding and building relationships with people who do want to be in your life. Its not personal op some peple just have a different/stunted ability for relationships. Feel sorry for them and keep building connections with loving, interested people.