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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to leave a narcissist relationship?

3 replies

Nina198 · 08/04/2023 22:28

So, there’s a lot to this story but I’m gonna try make it as short as possible! I met a man! Thought he was ‘the one’ treated me amazingly. After a year I fell pregnant and everything changed, constant lying, cheating, drinking and getting verbally abusive, I had the lot! Mentally he destroyed me!
I then began to realise I was with a very nasty and narcissistic man, the blame always on me for things he had done, constantly made me feel like shit and I even lost friends because he was nasty to them when drunk and if I’d leave him he would threaten to commit suicide.
anyway, I am stupidly still with this man with the promises of ‘change’ and I’ve known for a while now that this will never happen and I don’t want to be with him, but my problem is this….
he turns very nasty when I leave him, his drinking gets worse and he drink drives, now I know that I will need to cut all forms of communication with him for my own mental health but what I’m struggling with is my son who is 2 years old, I don’t want him anywhere near him because of the way he behaves or I atleast want his access supervised.
so my question is this….it is on doctors file that he is an alcoholic, I have messages to show just how nasty he gets when I leave him, threatening to take my son away, I have messages of him admitting drink driving and threatening to commit suicide. Will any of this be taken into account by a court if he went for access??
the thought of him looking after my son when he drinks the way he does and potentially drink driving with my son makes me feel sick just thinking about it!

OP posts:
howdoesatoastermaketoast · 08/04/2023 22:42

IANAL but coercive control is a crime now a crime. Perhaps contacting someone from woman's aid / national domestic violence helpline would be valuable
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

establishing a pattern of the behaviour which is making you afraid would certainly be useful

Coercive control - Women’s Aid

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control

shadowchancesassy · 08/04/2023 22:51

I don't know how you leave one because mine left me for someone else. I honestly don't think I'd have had the courage to leave but thankfully he did the job for me. I'm making up for it now 18 years later and suffer from ptsd anxiety and depression. Thankfully aswell he had no interest in our kids although he threatened to take them off me and take me to court blah blah blah. For the sake of both you and your son get out now, worry about the fallout when it comes. You have enough evidence behind you to show the courts that he isn't fit enough to look after a goldfish let alone another human being. Good luck

JanglyBeads · 08/04/2023 22:54

Would he actually bother to try and get contact if you refused?
Have police ever been involved with him in any way?

Ring women's aid and ask their advice.

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