Help me get through this please

[Eyewantobreakfree]

It’s been 6 weeks since my husband was arrested for assaulting me. We’ve been married 18 years and he’s abused me since 6 month’s dating. My head knows it’s best for me and our kids but I can’t seem to function without him. I suck at everything, been left in debt and I’m falling apart. I can’t cope and it just gets worse, not better.
I feel like dropping charges and just start trying to be a better wife to him. If I’d just cleaned up properly and kept on top of things I wouldn’t have made him mad in the first place. I don’t even think I can look after my kids properly. I haven’t taken them out anywhere, I’m barely able to give them a proper dinner.
Everything just seems too much

Are social services involved Op?

Your in a bad place that’s all. When you hit rock bottom only 1 way left to go 🔝 re debts make phone calls explain be upfront you be suprised that creditors will help you even put on a 30 day account hold they have done it for me. Gives me bit of breathing space. They would rather some money than no money. Re the abuse if he hit you once he likely hit you again. This from a male pov. Good luck for the future

Yes they are. I have a refuge worker too. I’m too embarrassed, ashamed and full of guilt to phone anyone. I’m so alone. I have no friends or family anymore. I know he will hit me, nothing has changed it 20 years.

Go to citizen advice. Or debt help agencies There is no shame on your part. Re embarrassment it’s just another emotion Unfortunately debts will not go away sort things out over phone it’s easier than in person and your not alone you have your children

You need to reach out urgently to SS

if not for yourself, for your children. This is no life for them OP

Are they his debts? Your debts? Or debts he's fraudulently taken out in your name?
There's a world of difference. Get help from a debt advice charity.

It's just going to take you a little while to feel you'll be OK without him. But you can do this. It's like being institutionalised, you're not sure how to manage, but now you're out, you will get it. Just give yourself time and concentrate on getting through the days until it's easier.

Regarding the debt, speak to Stepchange for help with managing it. Sometimes it can be written off or smaller payments sorted. This may affect your credit rating, but credit ratings can be rebuilt in time, and what's important right now is making it manageable.

Call your support worker and join any support groups available to you.

You and your children deserve better than living with abuse, you can do this.

If you're in the U.K. it's not your choice to drop charges.
Take all the help and support available to you and start to build a new better life, you can do this.

I know it’s best for my children that we are no longer in a volatile environment. My children are nearly teens, child services won’t do anything if I do phone. They aren’t in danger, I’m doing my best but I’m struggling. I will speak to citizens advice, hopefully they can help me with the finances. He used to just help himself to cash out of my bank account and then that would leave me short to pay bills, mortgage etc, consequently I used my credit cards more and more to buy food

I can retract my statement. It’s up to CPS if they still won’t to prosecute.

Please don't retract, a man that has abused you for 20 yrs deserves whatever comes his way, think of the example you can set your kids here, stay strong and do not take him back.

Come on now op. Chin up and best foot forward. I get that you're feeling overwhelmed. You have been through a lifetime of abuse and it's going to take a while to unravel all that damage. You're not missing him, you're experiencing a trauma bond, much like someone addicted to playing slot machines. You're brain is going through a similar experience. Grab your self respect and be proud of finally doing the right thing for yourself. Be gentle on yourself but keep putting one foot in front of the other and please trust me when I say, this will get better. Are you scared of him? Do you have a restraining order in place? Are you safe?