We had friends round one night, about 6 months ago. The friends are a couple. We all had a few drInks, enjoying the night and chatting.
As the night went on my husband and the female in the couple spent the rest of the evening acting like they were on a first date, laughing, joking and sat physically close, with physical contact … feeling each others arms and hands etc. All to the exclusivity of the husband and myself, it was embarrassing and I felt humiliated, it was like no one else was in the room apart from them. The following day, he said he couldn’t remember anything. He said he now felt it would be awkward around them and wouldn’t be able to speak to her, I said it didn’t have to be that way and we can all still mix, but to consider boundaries. He did then keep his distance from this person but said he felt he now couldn’t talk to other women, which I said didn’t have to be the case… as it’s never been that way.
When we first met this couple, it was a similar situation, close attention on each other etc, and the husband said to me, don’t you you think x and y would make a great couple.
Whenever we see them, it feels the same. I spoke to my husband, rightly or wrongly i explained how it made me feel uncomfortable. We have lots of friends who are couples, and we all chat, laugh and have a lovely time together, all good friends and no boundaries are crossed, and everything is good… but with this couple, it feels different.
I’m going through the menopause, and it’s been difficult, my libido has suffered, and so has our sex life. My confidence in myself is low and I don’t feel physically attractive or good in myself and it’s been the same for the last couple of years. My husband has found this extremely hard, but says he understands but struggles with the lack of sex. He has been very supportive and understanding, but at times gets very frustrated.
Last weekend, we were around this couple again amongst a larger group of friends, and my husband livens up in front of her and seems to enjoy the attention.
We spoke about it afterwards, I feel that I can’t give him what he wants, he said that maybe he is looking for attention from other women, as he doesn’t get any sexual attention from me. I asked how he would feel if it were the other way round and that he had ED and I was doing and saying what he was saying to me. I love him with all of my heart, I find him physically and emotionally and intelligently attractive; we laugh, we enjoy each other’s company… but I feel I am losing him, or can’t give him want he wants physically, even though I try.
I feel incredibly sad.
Am I over reacting? Should I be feeling worried?
How do I get my confidence back and bring the physical closeness that my husband wants back into our relationship. We do still have sex but it is very rare and I enjoy it when it happens.
… I want it too. Is this how it happens? Is this how emotional or physical affairs begin? Or is it me and I’m becoming overly sensitive, or over thinking things?
I really can’t sort this out in my head.
We have been married for 14 years. No children. In our early 50s.
Please help me to see things more clearly and to know how to make the situation better.