Hi, I'm a long time user but I've had to change my name for various reasons.
Basically I split up with my ex who was emotionally abusive and controlling and became even worse once I split up with him.
I've just woken up from a nightmare where he murdered me. It was so real. I feel pretty stupid talking about this. Anyway the jist of it was he pushed me into water, could have been a harbour wall type thing/deep river, but was somewhere that felt familiar, even though I can't place it now.
I didn't realise I was dead until a police officer was talking to me asking me where I'd come from, he wondered how fresh I was, and was anyone looking for me...
I was screaming out to him I'm right here, my ex did this, where are my kids, but obviously no answer - because I was dead!.
It was so bloody vivid! There was a group of boys filming something for a school project at dusk a few days later nearby to where he murdered me and they captured me / my spirit on film, and I was able to talk to them, and get in contact with my mum and built up a small following of people who believed me to try and get to the truth of what really happened.
Writing it down I realise it's parallels of what he's currently trying to do to me. I never thought he'd actually murder me, but I never thought he was capable of what he did to me and the kids after I left him, so... now It's nearly midnight, I've no one to talk to, I feel bloody stupid for crying at a dream and feeling frightened by it and somewhat freaked out.
I don't know what I'm asking for really. I hope this doesn't become a regular occourance, as sleep is one of the few comforts I get now. Not that I've been sleeping much, (we only broke up earlier this year and he's put me and the kids through hell) but when I get to sleep, I welcome it so much.
I do have people I can talk to in real life. I have a good support network and a lady I can talk to from a domestic abuse charity who's been brilliant.
Maybe this is just part of the process of getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I should expect some nightmares? I've had a few vivid dreams which have been about my children, but nothing really frightening like this, and nothing with so much of his presence in it. Ive double checked my doors are locked already.
I bumped into him today, and as the kids were there I tried to make chit chat for their sake more than anything. I want to be amicable for their sakes, they didn't ask for any of this and I feel very guilty for upsetting the balance and leaving the home we all shared together. I know deep down getting out was the best thing in the long run, but he's made it so awful since leaving. I do wonder from time to time if I should have just stayed and kept painting on a smile everyday.
Thanks for reading, any positive survivor stories welcome 🙏 xxx