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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trauma dumping?

26 replies

spinachy · 07/04/2023 23:22

Would appreciate any thoughts on this, feel like I'm being quite heartless.

Have been on a fair few first dates with nice people but never seem to click. Recently I have met a man with whom conversation flows due to various mutual interests/passions. We've been out 3 times now.

However even since date 1, he's revealed things that make me feel uncomfortable because they're quite heavy. Obviously you have to offer a sympathetic response but this can be quite tricky when taken by suprise and several glasses of wine down!

These include things like references to an abusive childhood, symptoms related to MH issues, mental health diagnoses, having been in therapy, suicide of a relative, a past partner having been in a abusive relationship.

I just don't know what to think as of course its disengenuous to present an idea of yourself that isn't true to a prospective partner, and I completely understand being open and honest about mental health from the get go.

Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:
Notbeingdismissive · 08/04/2023 19:42

spinachy · 08/04/2023 18:33

Thanks everyone, so just like my original thoughts, a range of views!

To answer some qs - I get the impression he isn't completely over the things he's referencing (completely understandable) but he does keep it as light as it can be. He talks about his mum, sisters, ex partners with a great deal of affection and respect which I appreciate.

He's definitely an "oversharer" in general and has told me some other stories (which are more of the funny embarassing kind) so I think it is linked with his personality type.

One of the thing he referenced is a symptom which he said he'd understand if it may put off romantic partners. So I get that he's trying to be as honest as possible which again doesn't seem like a bad thing?

But then I flip back round again and do think that this level of sharing with anyone early on (friend, collegue, date) isn't ideal as it's just a lot to put on someone.

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