Lack of sex

[Hoping4change]

I am fed up. I mean really fed up with having zero intimacy with my husband and he doesn’t seem to care less when I mention it to him. It has been well over a year since we had any kind of bedroom fun and when we did, he didn’t stay hard long- he also has never came during sex!

I’m 38 and really want children - he knows this and repeatedly tells me he does too but makes absolutely no effort whatsoever! I have stopped trying different ways to help with his ‘issue’ as it makes no difference and I’m quite frankly pissed off! I have told him on more than one occasion that he needs to go and see a doctor but he won’t. We used to be intimate regularly but now we seem stuck in this rut and I just get increasingly pissed off whereas he doesn’t seem bothered.

He’s currently off work due to mental health and does sod all around the house without being asked whilst I’m at work. I flip my lid about it and it works for maybe a day and then he just continues doing sod all for the rest of the time.

Any suggestions? I don’t want to leave him. We’ve been together 9 years and married for almost 4 years and I am really, really fed up!

You're not compatible with each other. It might actually be time to leave.

Why don't you want to leave him?

Why are you trying to have a child with a permanently depressed man who obvhas impotencey issues?
You don't sound like you even like him or are bothered about his emotional state.
I understand being frustrated but this doesn't seem to an issue you can fix and he hasn't taken any initiative.

I'd leave tbh, find someone else or go it alone with a donor.
He would be awful to inflict upon a baby.

Because we only have each other, no family close by for me and no family at all for him. And I do love him, I don’t believe in just walking away from things. He’s not abusive, he’s loving and caring but the lack of intimacy is driving me insane.

Sorry but this relationship sounds dead xx

Your friends not lovers

Well, it sounds like you're not going to have children unless something changes radically.

Do you really want to fritter away your last fertile years like this?

Are you still going to love him after your chance to have a baby naturally has been wasted?

What progress is he making with his mh? Is he fully engaged with therapy/counselling and taking his medication if any?

Does he need to change jobs to improve his situation?

You are 38 and want children - you do not want another sexless year gone by where that can’t happen, and more importantly, you are not happy. His MH may be at the root of the issue and medication can effect libido, motivation etc but tbh it sounds as though he is lazy and cba. You say he does nothing round the house, have a go at him and he temporarily will help, so that shows he can he just doesn’t want to. He needs an ultimatum or you need to take a break and get some space to work out what you want. Not having much family around isn’t a reason to stay with a man who isn’t bothered about your happiness by the sound of it.

If he is suffering from poor mental health,sex is probably the last thing on his mind. Not what you want to hear,but it's a probably true.

This doesn't sound like a relationship. You don't have sex, he doesn't do anything around the house. He doesn't care enough to do anything about his problems even though they hugely impact you.

He doesn't want kids.
no sex no kids.

time to end it

You need to leave and meet someone new who wants the same as you before it's to late

this happens to so many women who eventually end up separated from said partner, to old to have children and there partner moves on