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Original poster

How to tell any new partners that I have herpes?

38 replies

GiveMeYourBestAdvice · 07/04/2023 13:28

My ex gave me genital herpes, which means that I now have it for life...

Obviously I have to disclose this to any new partners, but how? It's a bit of an awkward conversation! I'm no good with jokes etc., so wouldn't be able to do it in a funny way!

OP posts:
thegrain · 08/04/2023 15:48

BisonGrassVodka · 07/04/2023 13:41

Be open from the off, someone I met and had a relationship with didn't tell me for 3 months, I immediately went and got tested and luckily I was clear. Had she told me before hand I would have been less shocked and reactive.

She was my first relationship since splitting from my former partner, so was a little cautious, sadly and regretfully, I have to admit I over reacted and ended it.

I don't think that's an over reaction at all

IWineAndDontDine · 08/04/2023 16:22

Anotherparkingthread · 08/04/2023 14:15

Herpes simplex 1 is coldsores herpes simplex 2 is genital herpes. They are not the same thing, that is such misinformation. However you can get herpes simplex one on your genitals.

People need to be wary of parroting that genital herpes and coldsores are the same, especially in the context of informing a partner who may have no knowledge of these things. Dangerously ill-informed at best, minimising and deliberately downplaying at worst.

When people say that they are trying to highlight the similarities between the two. The symptoms are very similar, they are both contagious, they can both disappear and lie dormant for years, they both produce similar symptoms. Yet one is hugely stigmatised and one is considered normal. I think people are just trying to make it clear that genital herpes isn't a man eating virus that will make your bits fall off, it's just a coldsore on your genitals

faffadoodledo · 08/04/2023 16:28

Exactly @IWineAndDontDine
And the less they're stigmatised the more likely people are to talk about it.

pimplebum · 08/04/2023 16:37

Not a time to be funny at all

Get your facts straight maybe have an NHS leaflet or reliable internet page
Be clear on how they can, and can't catch it from you and implications for their health if they did

thegrain · 08/04/2023 17:14

pimplebum · 08/04/2023 16:37

Not a time to be funny at all

Get your facts straight maybe have an NHS leaflet or reliable internet page
Be clear on how they can, and can't catch it from you and implications for their health if they did

Yes maybe this. And say you understand if that means they no longer wish to date

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/12/2023 21:22

Anotherparkingthread · 08/04/2023 14:15

Herpes simplex 1 is coldsores herpes simplex 2 is genital herpes. They are not the same thing, that is such misinformation. However you can get herpes simplex one on your genitals.

People need to be wary of parroting that genital herpes and coldsores are the same, especially in the context of informing a partner who may have no knowledge of these things. Dangerously ill-informed at best, minimising and deliberately downplaying at worst.

I think oral sex is so common now most people won't know what they have. If a woman has just shaved and has a little cut down there and a man who Carries the cold sore virus goes down on her she will likely catch it especially in the winter cold season as the virus could be active even without a cold sore.
Is this woman therefore more beholden to disclose to partners that she gets cold sores sometimes than a woman who has them sometimes on her mouth?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/12/2023 21:38

Unexpectedlysinglemum

exactly

DixonD · 09/12/2023 01:21

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/12/2023 21:38

Unexpectedlysinglemum

exactly

No - if you are knowingly carrying a very transmissible STI you must tell any partner before you sleep with them. I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t. It’s completely selfish.

CrunchyCarrot · 09/12/2023 01:24

GiveMeYourBestAdvice · 07/04/2023 14:20

By "funny", I mean delivering the news with some sort of punchline, something that i definitely can't do, but many others can!

Well you could try "Unlike love, herpes is for life!"

capabilityfrowns · 09/12/2023 01:27

I thought my ex had given me it, and apparently 80 % population has the virus.
After a visit to std Clinic I don't have it . So for me now safe sex is the only way forward. And asking before sex .

whirlingdevonish · 09/12/2023 07:29

@DixonD That's fine - but do you imagine even a tiny proportion of people who get cold sores tell their new or newish partners the first time they have oral sex? I don't think they do. And what is the difference between those people and those who have genital herpes? In most cases none, because they are the same virus.

thegrain · 24/12/2023 11:29

How did it go?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 24/12/2023 12:09

whirlingdevonish

agree
it’s really unfairly stigmatised

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