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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Problems with Dsis

9 replies

TropicalH20 · 07/04/2023 11:12

She has been a nightmare recently. She's attacked her fiance, fell out with our parents and cut contact with her children to use against them. She's very volatile and you feel you tiptoe on eggshells around her (yes I'm guilty of this too). I've distanced myself from her since she admitted physically being violent to her fiance. Apparently this isn't the first time either. She has bad anger issues which I think stem from bullying but that's no excuse.
So it started from when she told me about the incident. I was in the middle of arranging a get together. It was on fb messenger which Dsis doesn't have. I was texting her the details though. She got annoyed it was spoken about without her but told her she doesn't have messenger so that's why and I wanted her to come along. She then set me messages saying everyone in her life is self centred, she isn't the problem everyone else is. Didn't speak to her for a few weeks.
I then organised my birthday and wanted to go to an event. Asked if her and her family wanted to come along. She said yes and paid for the tickets. This was a week ago. Then i text her a few days ago asking if she was around and would be nice to see her and my nephew. She replied just with "No". I said oh OK, how about tomorrow. Again "no". I asked what was up. She ignored me. Today I asked if she was still coming Monday and I get "yes". That's it.
Now I'm worried she's going to ruin my birthday with my family by being a certain way and making it awkward. I don't really know what to do. Part of me wants to say if you're going to be this way I'll refund the money and sell the tickets on....

OP posts:
TropicalH20 · 07/04/2023 13:13

Bump

OP posts:
AgrathaChristie · 07/04/2023 13:28

How old is she and how old are her children? What has fiancé done about being attacked?

TropicalH20 · 07/04/2023 14:42

Dsis and fiance are both in 30s nephew is 3. Fiance hasn't done anything. As much as I hate violence and I don't condone it at all. He is not completely innocent. They both wind each other up. Its a toxic relationship.
Dsis has also fallen put with most friends too and can't keep a job due to rubbing people up the wrong way

OP posts:
QueenBee1234 · 07/04/2023 16:04

Is dsis a big drinker by any chance? Do these incidents happen after everyone has had a few to many or is it her personality?
Either way I would be selling the tickets.

TropicalH20 · 07/04/2023 20:03

QueenBee1234 · 07/04/2023 16:04

Is dsis a big drinker by any chance? Do these incidents happen after everyone has had a few to many or is it her personality?
Either way I would be selling the tickets.

No she hardly drinks. It is just her personality. She suffers really bad with pmt. My DM did when we were younger and she basically is a carbon copy of a younger version on our DM

OP posts:
QueenBee1234 · 08/04/2023 13:23

Sell the tickets and tell her to get to the docs and sort her issues out!
PMT is no excuse to have your family walking on egg shells.

Cleotolstoy · 08/04/2023 14:18

Sounds like you and dsis had a difficult time with your dm. What was your dm like when you were children?

TropicalH20 · 09/04/2023 20:07

Cleotolstoy · 08/04/2023 14:18

Sounds like you and dsis had a difficult time with your dm. What was your dm like when you were children?

She had extreme anger outbursts which I now realise was very bad pmt. Dm was very controlling and lacked any boundaries when it came privacy. She would often give silent treatment or get in moods. It was difficult to live around tbh.
Now my Dsis is the same too.
I don't get as badly effected by my hormones and have got myself counselling to work through any difficult feelings in childhood. Dsis doesn't acknowledge She has any issues.

OP posts:
Cleotolstoy · 09/04/2023 20:16

A parent like that will leave lasting effects. That sounds like more than pmt. Pmt doesn't usually make someone override others boundaries. It seems like your sister has unresolved childhood trauma. It's standard for there to be many problems between siblings when parents are this way. Is your mum able to talk about how harmful her behaviour was?

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