^another^ argument - and DH has just said very clearly that he's not going back to Relate.....

[FAQ]

when I get back from my week away. I "have to accept to live by his rules or split"

Apparently I'm trying to "blackmail" him because I could take the house, kids, everything away from him - but "he's got nothing that he can take away from me".

He says he still wants me to be here - but for what? So that he can keep the outward appearance of "happy families"???

The issues of housework/childcare etc being my "job" came up (again) too........

is he dpressed at all FAQ?

oh he knows all about childcare as he helped look after his young brothers and sisters when they were younger........

Ladymuck - honestly this wasn't a trigger to a possible marriage break-up - this was just another issue to add to the ever increasing pile. And another chance for him to say "well you "wanted" to argue about that too".

I can't really get to Relate on my own - transport it rubbish - not to mention trying to organise the childcare for those few hours (yes it really would take a few hours - about 45-60 minutes on the bus, then a good 20 minute walk from town, the session and then the same home again!).

no we've not talked about the MAP failing and all that I have tried to bring it up once or twice, but he didn't want to discuss it "it's in the past" - but the issues were going on long before that

Has he been worse since DS3 was born?

He doesn't sound happy - can you get him anywhere near his GP?

my way or the highway is no way to have a marriage, well, not one that makes both parties happy,anyway.

you are a grown woman with feelings, needs and wants, and they won;t be fulfilled by living according to your DHs rules....

if this was the first time this sort of issue had been mentioned,i;d be more willing to say, give it time, give it another go, but this is a pattern of long term behaviour that he is not willing to change

you are a young woman, do you still want to be posting this sort of thing in 5 or 10 years time?

do you want to grow old with this man?

Am I right in thinking you belong to a church FAQ? Is there anyone there who does counselling/marriage guidance etc? Might be easier for you to arrange on your own?

no HM - if you look at some of my threads from May-December of last year it looked like things were going really well. There was barely a cross word between us, never mind an argument. But then little things started happening and it blew up into an argument where it transpired that he didn't really think I'd changed at all

I know I have - an argument like the one we had this morning 17 months ago would almost certainly have seen me completely losing the plot with rage, screaming, swearing, calling him names and probably lashing out at him too and then ending up with my in floods of hysterical tears) . However while I think I did swear (a little - but not calling him names with it) and yes I shouted I didn't lose the plot and the thought of slapping him in the face didn't even cross my mind. And apart from the emotions that are stemming from the whole relationship breakdown thing I didn't cry either. (did have a little sob on the way to pick DS3 up admittedly).

Daisy - I don't think there is anyone at our church - we have everything else, solicitors, doctors, ex-policemen, nurses, teachers, accountants etc etc - but no-one that does counseling that I know of.

It doesn't necessarily have to be as part of their job. Lots of churches have pastoral or prayer ministry teams who may have experience in this area. Do you feel you could ask your minister?

I would ask my vicar (she was wonderful last year when we nearly split) ..except she's off sick indefinitely until she's been to Papworth hospital and they've completed all the tests they want to do and try and find out what's wrong with her

It's sort of "odd" with our pastoral and prayer ministry teams - as they're only small teams - and most of them are close/very close friends of mine. While I've been sharing what's happening with a few of them I'm not sure I'd be comfortable being counseled by the IYKWIM.

ooops - didn't mean a in there - I meant

She really is unwell

I need to go and plan some hymns for this Sunday when I'm away - the woman who's playing for me is coming to pick them up at Toddler group this afternoon - and as she's a very reluctant pianist (she actually plays very well, but isn't comfortable playing for services) and has said that if she hasn't got them in advance they'll be singing unaccompanied I'd better get them done.

Also need to start packing!