How long has it been since ...

Holycow23x · 2023-04-06T18:48:40+00:00

You've spoken to a friend following a row/friendship breakdown? Do you think you'll ever make amends? If not, what's stopping you? It's been 8 months since I've spoken my best friend of 29 years. We've never had a fall out, ever. And I don't know if there's any going back. And it's breaking my heart. Both are to blame. Both need to take responsibility, but I just don't think either of want to or feel ready for that conversation. They text me a few weeks ago. Just pleasantries since it was my birthday, so it's a start a guess. Just feeling a bit down about it all today. Must be the pregnancy hormones [sad] Would love to hear others stories, and the outcomes if there even is any ..... Thanks!

Kay286 · 06/04/2023 19:56

I fell out with my bestest friend in the whole world, it only lasted a month and in reality she was just not speaking to me… we live far apart but I knew she was being off …. I was ready to say after a month like wtf is wrong what have I done. She beat me to it and said she’d been acting like a child and explained what was wrong we had a big heart to heart and made up!

Try and sort it out make the first move even if it wasn’t your fault swallow your pride - it’ll be worth it :)

Kay286 · 06/04/2023 19:57

To add it obviously depends on what happened and why you fell out though op if you want to expand ?

Original poster

Holycow23x · 06/04/2023 20:01

Kay286 · 06/04/2023 19:57

To add it obviously depends on what happened and why you fell out though op if you want to expand ?

A lot of my friends are mums and I'm worried it will be too revealing which sucks! Just draining as we've never ever fell out and neither of us clearly want to be the first one to bring it up!

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Original poster

Holycow23x · 06/04/2023 20:02

Kay286 · 06/04/2023 19:56

I fell out with my bestest friend in the whole world, it only lasted a month and in reality she was just not speaking to me… we live far apart but I knew she was being off …. I was ready to say after a month like wtf is wrong what have I done. She beat me to it and said she’d been acting like a child and explained what was wrong we had a big heart to heart and made up!

Try and sort it out make the first move even if it wasn’t your fault swallow your pride - it’ll be worth it :)

I'm so glad you managed to sort it! It makes you feel sick when you aren't speaking x

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Nowthatlovehasperished · 06/04/2023 20:07

You're not happy with the current situation so you can:

A) do nothing and continue to grieve.

B) make contact and act as if nothing happened.

C) apologise for your part of you feel remorse.

Original poster

Holycow23x · 06/04/2023 20:08

Nowthatlovehasperished · 06/04/2023 20:07

You're not happy with the current situation so you can:

A) do nothing and continue to grieve.

B) make contact and act as if nothing happened.

C) apologise for your part of you feel remorse.

You're right. I need to pull myself together and just have the conversation. If they don't want to have it, I can only apologise for my part.

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teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 20:14

I fell out with my oldest and bestest friend around June last year. I posted on here about it. She was being horrible to me about Covid blaming me for lockdowns etc and telling me if I didnt watch her propaganda videos she wouldn't be interested in anything I wanted to share. Then she sent me this ranty voice message about how she hasn't fallen out with me but she couldn't be interested in my life when I clearly wasn't interested in the things that are important to her. I don't know where she got these ideas from. I'd let her talk then try to talk about other things, her job, DD etc. All she sent me since then is a message about whether I wanted a toy back I'd passed onto her dd. I unfriended her on Facebook in February as she was liking and commenting on people's posts she hadn't seen for years but deliberately ignoring anything I'd put. Even my DD's birthday. And other friends of ours who had the same thoughts as me about Covid she's been fine with. We had been friends for nearly 40 years. I made her my bridesmaid and she was an utter cow to me. Ghosting me in the run up and causing unnecessary stress.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 20:15

If we ever speak again she needs to apologise but I can't see that happening so I guess it's over

Sunnygirl07 · 06/04/2023 20:17

I mainly don't have a problem like this with my friends.

I had 2 strange misunderstandings with one of my friends (only with her!), 5 have about 5-10 good friends & I apologized, and sorted it out with her either the same day or the next morning (as it was my day off).

She was also guilty but has never apologized🙂. She is too proud to do that that I think.

We talk as normal.

I stopped feeling towards her she is one of my best friends. I've replaced her with my better more down-to-earth friend instead:).

Original poster

Holycow23x · 06/04/2023 20:18

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 20:14

I fell out with my oldest and bestest friend around June last year. I posted on here about it. She was being horrible to me about Covid blaming me for lockdowns etc and telling me if I didnt watch her propaganda videos she wouldn't be interested in anything I wanted to share. Then she sent me this ranty voice message about how she hasn't fallen out with me but she couldn't be interested in my life when I clearly wasn't interested in the things that are important to her. I don't know where she got these ideas from. I'd let her talk then try to talk about other things, her job, DD etc. All she sent me since then is a message about whether I wanted a toy back I'd passed onto her dd. I unfriended her on Facebook in February as she was liking and commenting on people's posts she hadn't seen for years but deliberately ignoring anything I'd put. Even my DD's birthday. And other friends of ours who had the same thoughts as me about Covid she's been fine with. We had been friends for nearly 40 years. I made her my bridesmaid and she was an utter cow to me. Ghosting me in the run up and causing unnecessary stress.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Such a shame but it sounds like a headache you could be doing without. Yeah same here, bridesmaids as each others weddings. Ever since I had my DC last year I feel like my friendships have went to shit and I don't know what to think or feel! X

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Skipsaway · 06/04/2023 20:31

I fell out with my friend of 25 years plus over something that was serious and illegal. We've not spoken for about 8 years now
Funnily enough this last couple of weeks I've been thinking about her alot and do really miss her and our friendship.
So much has changed in my life since we fell out but I think it's just me feeling sad for what was a much easier time in my life.
I thought I had moved on and grown away but there is obviously something thats pulling me back which is unsettling me

Original poster

Holycow23x · 06/04/2023 20:48

Skipsaway · 06/04/2023 20:31

I fell out with my friend of 25 years plus over something that was serious and illegal. We've not spoken for about 8 years now
Funnily enough this last couple of weeks I've been thinking about her alot and do really miss her and our friendship.
So much has changed in my life since we fell out but I think it's just me feeling sad for what was a much easier time in my life.
I thought I had moved on and grown away but there is obviously something thats pulling me back which is unsettling me

Oh wow. I'm so sorry. That's really tough. Do you think you'll ever reach out again if you're missing them?

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FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 06/04/2023 21:10

I fell out with my best friend at the end of October.

She sent a Merry Christmas message and after a few texts we realised that she thought I'd ghosted her because I just didn't ever reply to her last text.

I didn't reply to her last text because her photo and status had disappeared from WhatsApp so I thought she'd blocked me.

I apologised, and even though neither of us had actually wanted to stop talking, she didn't want to make up.

I feel lost without her. I really regretting not contacting her when it first happened so we could have realised we were both being dicks and laugh about it.

Pseudonamed · 06/04/2023 21:50

We ended our friendship last year after over 30 years. I do not miss her and I do not think about her and for the weeks after our 'argument' I thought of all the positive things NOT having her in my life brought and there were all positives. She sucked the life out of me and I feel freer and happier now. I will NEVER speak to her again. I dont even care what happens to her to be honest. Hindsight is everything.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 21:52

I think people change and move on. I think my friend isn't well in all honesty and I have anxiety. Maybe she pushed me away and use Covid as an excuse. I think she feels she hasn't fallen out with me but I can't take that level of nastiness and game playing so I'd rather invest in better friendships. Don't think it's you OP!

Original poster

Holycow23x · 06/04/2023 23:03

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/04/2023 21:52

I think people change and move on. I think my friend isn't well in all honesty and I have anxiety. Maybe she pushed me away and use Covid as an excuse. I think she feels she hasn't fallen out with me but I can't take that level of nastiness and game playing so I'd rather invest in better friendships. Don't think it's you OP!

It's just really hard because I was a brand new mum and I waited so long to have a baby and find the right one. It was finally my time to celebrate and I feel so lonely now! Being a mum is isolating as it is, never mind losing a best friend! 🥹 thank god I have a few close friends that get me through. But it's not the same x

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CrystalCoco · 07/04/2023 06:54

The fact that your friend sent you a message with birthday wishes means she's still thinking of you fondly, did you reply?

She's actually made the first step, so whatever the falling out was over, she obviously doesn't feel it warrants cutting you off completely.

I'd look at her birthday message as an olive branch and send her a message asking if she'd like to meet for a coffee / lunch?

If she says no or doesn't reply then you at least have more answers than you have right now.

If she says yes then you have the opportunity to get a 29 year friendship back on track.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/04/2023 08:26

I agree the birthday message is a good sign

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/04/2023 08:27

And I probably sound quite straightforward about it now but at the time I was devastated. I still dream about her so I probably need therapy to work it out.