I have recently started dipping my toe into the online dating world. I got chatting with a guy a couple of weeks ago and we seemed to share a lot of the same humour and he seemed like a nice guy.
Slight issue (albeit in my mind) was that he didnt have children whereas I have two young children and my coparenting situation isnt easy! I explained this to him very early on and that I am not the sort of person who sits on her phone and am often busy with the children, as well as at work but come the evenings I am much easier to get hold of and that life is slowly starting to open up for me as the coparenting situation improves. He said he was fine with that and that he was a relaxed guy and didnt like sitting on his phone all day anyway.
We made arrangements to meet at the weekend and then a few days before the date it had been a bit quiet over messages, but again I was busy and had taken heed from advice on here which was not to get too invested before meeting so I wasnt worried.
He then messaged me a message which basically said "I wonder if we are at the stage where life is getting in the way and we go out own separate ways. I got the feeling from your last message and the few days of radio silence that you arent feeling it now. I respect if thats how you feel and hope you find what you are looking for".
I was a little taken aback but replied to say that it had been mad week workwise, plus me and both children had caught colds but I had assumed we were still meeting at the weekend but understood if he didnt want to.
He then replied saying he still absolutely wanted to meet but that he didnt want me to feel I had to as he knew I had a lot on etc... Anyway, we had a quick chat over the phone and agreed to meet as originally planned at the weekend.
We met, and although he was very nice looking, I didnt feel that spark and the humour we seemed to share over messages didnt really transfer into real life. But I enjoyed his company and we had a nice coffee together. I came away grateful my first date in over 13 years wasnt a complete disaster...
That evening he messaged to say how he had enjoyed seeing me and hoped I enjoyed the rest of my weekend. I replied the same and kept it very light.
The next day he messaged to say hi and to follow up on something we had spoken about the day before (a tv show!) I replied and then I didnt hear anything back so assumed we were on the same page that possibly we were different people looking for different things.
Then, last night he messages me to say that he had had a great time on our date but hes had the feeling that I am not feeling it. Wished me well and said he hopes I find what I am looking for.. To be honest I was annoyed at this because 1) he hadnt replied to my last message and 2) I hadnt got much to say that he wanted to pursue seeing me again... But I decided to rise above it and simply replied to say that he probably needs someone who is a little more available to message frequently than I am (as I had told him in the beginning.) I wished him well and said that I hoped he finds what he was looking for and it had been nice meeting him.
He then replied saying how pretty I was and that he respected that I am reserved and wishing me all the best with my search again...
I didnt reply and thought nothing more of it.
Today I get a message from him "Just throwing it out there, would you be up for a 2nd date over the bank holiday? I would really like that."
Sorry - this got a lot longer than I had thought it would when I started typing it out! But isnt this always the way? You can bet your bottom dollar that if I was pining for this man I wouldnt be getting this kind of reaction?! Believe me, prior to being married I was in the situation many times with men where I was waiting on messages/constantly reading into every single word/body language etc...
I'm not sure what the point of me sharing this is, its not a stealth boast or anything - I am far from any kind of Goddess or anything, but I think it demonstrates to me that sometimes being aloof can pay off. Though, as it happens I'm not actually interested in pursuing anything with this man and his behaviour seems a bit immature for me and I think my initial reservations about him understanding that my children come first were correct.