Why do I feel guilty/sad about wanting to stick with one child

[oneanddon]

Context: Am in a blended family set up. I have a DC6, father not involved. My partner/ fiance's two children are here 50% of the time. I love DSC (primary school age) dearly, and DC considers them siblings - they are all happy, healthy, funny and lovely kids. Childcare and finances work out well because essentially we divide between our focus between our respective children and each other. We both have flexible but demanding jobs.

Anyway, I'm coming to the conclusion I just don't want another baby. I can't face doing it again. I feel it would challenge our family dynamic. I had a difficult time in my twenties juggling lone parenting, work and studies and I just don't know if I can face it again in my thirties with three children in the house much of the time. I don't know why, but this makes me feel bad/ guilty. I'm not entirely sure why. Like I'm slacking somehow, like I should give DC a 'real' sibling. Part of me feels sad about it, although I don't actively want another baby. Is this ovaries talking?

I'm in my early thirties. This has become a topic of conversation as DP says he will get the snip if I decide I'm def done (due to contraception issues).

Sounds a perfect setup. What do you feel guilty about? Bringing a new baby might upset your lovely set up more than enhance it. My advice is be happy as you are xxx

There is nothing wrong with having an only child if that works for you. But I would urge you to explore fully your feelings before your partner does anything permanent. Maybe get a couple of hours of therapy to hash it out with a neutral third party ? It will be money well spent if it brings you peace of mind over whatever you decide to do.

How would a “real” sibling differ? If your DS considers your partner’s children his siblings then he has siblings. If the concern is that you might separate from your partner and the children would never see each other again then maybe it’s worth you and partner having an adult discussion about how you’d approach and support the relationships between the children in that event to make sure they were able to remain close?

As adults, and particularly as it’s become more common for families to be dispersed geographically, most of us build our own pseudo-families out of our friends. You really shouldn’t feel like you’re denying your DS a crucial relationship by him not having a sibling related by blood.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about! You have a happy family. Kids sound happy, you and your DH are happy. If it ain’t broke….

@Jadviga

A therapy session sounds like an idea.

I had a hard time when I had DC - unplanned pregnancy from a short term relationship, lack of family support etc. Sometimes I feel it would be nice to do it again 'properly', but I don't think this is a great reason alone to have another baby.

@ComtesseDeSpair

Yes, I do think what if we split up and he would be alone. On the other hand, if we split up, I can't bare the thought of being a single mum with two children!