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Original poster

Boyfriend cancelling our plans for other plans?

41 replies

Bfhelp123 · 06/04/2023 09:53

My boyfriend is away for work. Will be home tomorrow, haven’t seen him in 2 weeks, we don’t live together. We made plans that tomorrow when he is home we will have a nice dinner and catch up.
he rang yesterday to say that his friend is coming over to his house tomorrow night once he’s back. This is a work friend who he has been away with, so not one he hasn’t seen in a while.
I said what about our date night and he said we can do it on Saturday, am I wrong to be pissed at this? He also said I could join his friend and him if I wanted.

OP posts:
ilovemydogmore · 06/04/2023 09:54

This is your chance to calmly explain to him that it's really important to you to stick to plans and you're disappointed that you're not his first priority on returning.

His reaction will show you what you need to know.
Either he'll go 'god yes I'm an absolute idiot, im sorry' and revert, or he'll say something disparaging and make you feel pathetic - in which case dump the loser.

Marchforward · 06/04/2023 09:56

ilovemydogmore · 06/04/2023 09:54

This is your chance to calmly explain to him that it's really important to you to stick to plans and you're disappointed that you're not his first priority on returning.

His reaction will show you what you need to know.
Either he'll go 'god yes I'm an absolute idiot, im sorry' and revert, or he'll say something disparaging and make you feel pathetic - in which case dump the loser.

Good advice.

Original poster
Bfhelp123 · 06/04/2023 09:57

I did tell him that. He apologised for not telling me the change of plan until last minute. He didn’t apologise for not keeping our plans

OP posts:
Soontobemumof2x · 06/04/2023 09:58

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. You have solid plans and he’s cancelling on you to spend time with someone he’s already been away with?

id tell him to forget it and you’re busy Saturday now.

ilovemydogmore · 06/04/2023 09:58

How did that make you feel? was it sincere? Only you will know if this is 'right' or not. Listen to your gut. You don't have to put up with being someones second or third priority.

pinkthree · 06/04/2023 09:59

I'd say no sorry I'm busy on Saturday

He obviously thinks it's all on his terms

Pseudonamed · 06/04/2023 10:17

Book a night with friends Sat instead.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 06/04/2023 10:32

Pseudonamed · 06/04/2023 10:17

Book a night with friends Sat instead.

Yep, I'd also do this. You're not his priority so don't let him be yours, at least for this weekend anyway

SpringleDingle · 06/04/2023 10:34

I'd let him know, as calmly as possible, that this makes you feel second best and not his number one priority. He is welcome to do whatever he wants with his time but he is your number one priority and if you are not his then this won't work for you long term. Then see what he does. If he was just being a bit thoughtless he should take this as a huge wake up call. If he is not that into you he won't and you can dump him!

ClementWeatherToday · 06/04/2023 10:39

What's the phrase? "Don't prioritise someone for whom you are just an option" or something.

I said what about our date night and he said we can do it on Saturday

This is so pathetic of him, too. If we're playing that game, surely he could see the friend on another day 🙄

watcherintherye · 06/04/2023 10:45

Does the friend live locally? I could just about understand it if they were sharing a lift, getting back late from the work thing and the friend was just overnighting at your b/f’s place before having an additional journey back to his home. Otherwise it’s a really crap thing to arrange.

Eggseggseverywhere · 06/04/2023 10:56

Tell him actually you already have plans for Saturday.. And await his response
.

billy1966 · 06/04/2023 11:14

pinkthree · 06/04/2023 09:59

I'd say no sorry I'm busy on Saturday

He obviously thinks it's all on his terms

This.

He's rude and not into you.

You are wasting your time.

We teach people how to treat us.

I would be done.

perfectcolourfound · 06/04/2023 12:19

Yeah I would respond that I'm busy on Saturday, and see what he does with that.

It shows him you also have a life, and you aren't just an option sat waiting for him to pick up when he wants to.

It will also show how keen he is to see you. He could of course rearrange with his friend to Saturday and keep his original arrangement to see you on Friday. His response will show you where you sit in his priorities.

Aside from all of this, I would question why your bf prioritises an evening with someone he just spent 2 weeks with over an evening with the gf he hasn't seen for 2 weeks.

Lucia23 · 06/04/2023 12:27

He needs to honour your arrangement and you've had good advice on how to handle already.

I had this with an ex and basically said what @SpringleDingle said above. It didn't happen again exactly but more than once in the years were together he'd try and get out of our plans for better plans. It was a red flag in hindsight.

SpringleDingle · 06/04/2023 12:37

Yes I had this with my now ex and I put up with it until I didn't put up with anymore!!!

Number24Bus · 06/04/2023 12:41

I'd be pissed off about this. It would be fine if it was a friend he hadn't seen for ages and this was the only chance they had to catch up. But otherwise he should stick to your plan.

Daisydu · 06/04/2023 12:42

Dump him. He should want to see you 100%.

Slimjimtobe · 06/04/2023 12:45

He’s showing you how he feels about you isn’t he

2Rebecca · 06/04/2023 12:51

I think this is one of those "when someone shows you who they are believe them" moments. he has shown you that he's not missed you and is keener to spend time with his friend he's just been away with than you.
I'm not interested in that sort of boyfriend

RosaMoline · 06/04/2023 13:02

If it was me, as he’s been away for 2 weeks I would be expecting to see him Friday & Saturday!!

Skyeheather · 06/04/2023 13:20

Your boyfriend doesn't think very much of you, he hasn't seen you for two weeks and instead of rushing round to see you because he's missed you, he'd rather see his friend. You are second choice. I'd dump him and find someone better.

vamptable · 06/04/2023 13:27

I had one like this. Proclaimed all sorts of love but when it came down to it, his friends always came above me. Always.

You can chase your tail on this or you can accept he's shown you where you are in the pecking order now. Even if you resolve this, it will come up again and likely won't change

Wishimaywishimight · 06/04/2023 13:52

He clearly hasn't missed you and prefers to spend time with his friend. Stop being so available, he is taking you for granted. Alternatively end the relationship, it probably won't get any better so you're just wasting time on someone who really isn't that bothered.

Jackiewoo · 06/04/2023 16:41

Bin him.

He's not into you, if he was he'd be with you and the friend he's just spent a fortnight with wouldn't enter his head. Don't be low hanging fruit.

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