Im absolutely distraught today. I feel so alone in this pregnancy (DC 2, 16 weeks after a previous loss). My husband has just barely spoken to me since this pregnancy began. I think he may have hugged me a handful of times in the past few weeks. I have felt utterly dreadful but still continued with my high stress, professional role (I'm the primary earner) and still done every single morning and bedtime with DC1 this whole time. He will take DC1 out to see his family if I've been feeling sick but that has meant I've basically spent every weekend of this pregnancy alone at home. He seems so keen to spend time with his family and DC1's cousins, but seems to have no desire to spend time with me. He goes out at least 2 evenings per week too. We have done nothing together as a couple since we conceived this baby, not even watched TV together. Last night he was out, I had been travelling for work all day and rushed home to do bedtime. I was utterly exhausted, sick and hungry and really lost my temper with DC1 which I feel terrible about.
I'm feeling under huge stress due to a possible issue with the baby which I won't find the results of for another 2 weeks or so. At each scan we've had (more due to loss and issue), he has expressed relief that the baby is ok but basically made me feel like I am just the carrier of his baby and nothing more. We have not hugged, kissed or expressed any mutual happiness after each scan. On the surface, he will help if I ask him and he is 'hands on' with DC1 but I am feeling like I cannot be in a marriage with so little love or care for me as a person. I'm embarrassed to say that a small part of me would be relieved if this pregnancy couldn't proceed because I'm not sure if we have a stable family home to offer anymore. Today I just feel paralysed with sadness but have to sit and my desk and work, as usual. Can anyone offer any advice?