A bit too close to boss?

[whenthelightsgoout123456789]

I have this awful feeling/instinct that my Husband is a bit too close with his boss.

She called him last week and asked him to pick her up from dropping her car off for a service on his way to work, then he took her to pick it up again after work. This might not mean anything but there are a lot of people that work at the company but it’s always him she goes to.

Then she ‘accidentally’ called him on a Sunday night.
He mentioned her last night and again this morning but chatty conversation stuff. She owns the company along with another boss. My husband describes her as the good boss and the other one the bad boss.
He talks about her a lot- most days. I have met her and would say she is not his usual type but i know that doesn’t mean anything.

He hasn't been doing his fair share at home and seems to be rug sweeping whenever there are awkward conversations at home.
We have 3 children, the youngest is 18months, not sleeping well due to teething. I’m exhausted and not sleeping very well myself, my day starts between 2-4 most mornings. He usually comes to bed at 2am (plays games console until then) and wakes around 6.30am. I have spoken to him about this and nothing changes.

I'm not sure if I'm just imagining things or not.

Not from what you've written however his lack of interest in spending the evening with you and you going to bed alone, is more to be concerned about, him giving any attention, even as as colleague is making it more apparent.

Why does your day start 2-4, that's extremely early? Had he stopped pulling his weigh recently or was he as bad with the other 2? Playing on games consoles doesn't sound like something a person picks up in adulthood with 3 DC so I'm guessing he's been doing that for a long time. In which case it's brave or daft to have 3DC - you decide?
Is he a similar age to his boss? Is she married too? You could either ask him or casually bring up that he seems to have a touch of mentioning.
Whatever is happening with this woman, staying up till 2 and then waking at 6.30 isn't sustainable, and you could challenge the relationship on that basis, I would not be happy with his lifestyle. If it's recent, he could be avoiding you as having an affair or feelings for someone else.
I'd start by saying you are not happy with him checking out.

You know something isn’t right in your relationship, so I don’t blame you for your concern. Speak to him about your relationship first and see where that leads?

Thank you both.

Yes similar age to his boss. I'm mid 30s he is early 40s.

The little one isn't sleeping well at the moment and my other child has health issues which can cause early rises.

He has always played the console but normally one or two nights a week. It has increased massively since lockdown.

Thank you. After 15 years together, something just doesn't feel right. I am going to speak to him tonight

Has the mentionitis increased in frequency?

@Wellillsayitifnooneelsewill yes it has

Sounds like there's something going on or may go on in the future as they're both into each other either by using your DH as a chauffeur/calling by 'accident' and mentionitis is not a good sign

… doesn’t sound great really does it?

I’m speaking from experience from your husbands pov - I made the mistake of checking out emotionally (although my OH wasn’t really checked in either), got too close to someone else - my nights were talking to OM til early hours and I didn’t even realise I had the mentionitis - turns out that my OH had all the kooky feelings you had and he was bang on the money. Then I did the unthinkable and Then he found out. We are through the other side of a very traumatic time and we are okay now. Probably better than before. But I was able to get away from AP as I didn’t need to have any contact with him.

if I could offer you any advice right now it’s try and get something concrete to either prove or disprove any fears you may have before speaking to husband. if something is going on and you speak to him first then he’ll shut it down and you’ll never know and you’ll drive yourself mad.

you could start off by talking to him anyway about how things seem a little off. Maybe frame it as being worried about him, see what he gives you back.

@Wellillsayitifnooneelsewill thank you for sharing. That's really good advice. I did raise the lifts from/to the car garage and he said "oh it was sort of on my way to work". It wasn't, it was opposite direction.