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Original poster

Comments on appearance

12 replies

Throwaway0323 · 05/04/2023 14:02

My DP and I haven't seen each other for a week because we had a disagreement. I suffer with PMDD and hands up I am a raging bitch one week out of each month. I am working with the doctor to figure out a treatment and am on the waiting list for therapy, I have just completed a group emotional regulation course too so I am working on this.

Anyway so we haven't seen each other for a week. I went round there last night to talk to him and he made several comments on my weight. He said I look frail and bony.

I have lost about 10lbs since January so nothing major and my BMI is around 20 so I am not under weight. I think I am maybe 3lbs lighter than he last saw me so I highly doubt it is visible never mind shocking as he said.

The thing is I am now the exact weight that I was when we met 3 years ago, I have been up and down approximately 2 stone in that time but usually hover in the middle so 10-14lbs heavier than now.

Am I being overly sensitive here that the first things he can say to me after a week apart is how frail and bony I look? He is saying he is concerned but I am a healthy weight! I just feel very sensitive right now anyway so would appreciate hearing if I am over reacting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway0323 · 05/04/2023 14:05

Oh and so as not to drip feed - I am short and petite anyway. Small wrists, small feet, small head etc so a BMI of 20 isn't particularly small.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/04/2023 14:17

He is a millstone around your neck and I would also think he totally manufactured your disagreeement. And you've been with this person for 3 years already. What are you getting out of this relationship with him?. Your boundaries are too weak here and he is taking full advantage.

Making such comments about your appearance is uncalled for, not just to say unkind. I daresay he is no Adonis figure either. I am wondering if he is putting you down like this to make his own self feel somehow better, such should never be tolerated. Frankly he needs to be dumped.

StopFeckingFaffing · 05/04/2023 14:26

To be fair 3lb weight loss in a week for someone who is very petite may well be quite noticeable so perhaps he is just worried about your physical health

Is there any reason why you have lost 3lb since you last saw him?

Obviously I don't know your DP so no idea if he is being caring or judgemental

Original poster
Throwaway0323 · 05/04/2023 14:38

He truly is an adonis sadly, he is physically perfect... he's also usually a good guy which is why I am wondering why he would be so critical, it is just unkind. Frail and bony are not compliments in anyone's book.

I have been dieting ish since January to get back to the body I had when we met so he knows I was unhappy with my body. The three lbs is for two reasons - The first is that I struggle to est when we are not getting on. The second being that the week before my period is due (also the week my hormones kick off massively) I bloat up. So when he saw me last week I would have started bloating, this week my period is due and that bloat has gone. So it is 3lbs over two weeks or more, just didn't show last week because of the PMDD bloat.

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BartsLongLostBro · 05/04/2023 14:43

I think you're being oversensitive. Frail is not an insult, it's a non-judgmental observation. Are you going to last in a relationship? Are you u happy with him? Emotional regulaiin is hard - well done for trying.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/04/2023 14:50

So he is nice looking on the outside but absolutely ugly within.

I'd be dumping him for such remarks. Do not give him any further opportunity to put you down some more.

MumboNumba5 · 05/04/2023 15:02

I think you are being oversensitive and that it was said out of concern.
Maybe you should just call it a day with him and focus on your health.

Original poster
Throwaway0323 · 05/04/2023 15:03

I thought getting a diagnosis would be magical and I would be instantly cured but it's proving harder than I suspected. He puts up with me and my mood swings.

I do struggle sometimes for not seeing things as they are because my judgement is clouded, hence me asking here because I wasn't sure if this might be one of those times.

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Aria2015 · 05/04/2023 15:14

It's hard to tell from a single post, but unless he has a habit of being critical of your appearance, I'd say it was likely said out of concern. You say it's not noticeable, but the truth is, you have lost a few pounds so it's possible he can see it in you. If you've had a disagreement and had a week apart, he may have been concerned you haven't been looking after yourself during that time.

XVII · 05/04/2023 15:16

Maybe he was unkind… but were you/are you equally unkind when you were in raging bitch mode?

I’d take his comment as a shot across the bows
and perhaps the next big disagreement will be your last

Original poster
Throwaway0323 · 05/04/2023 15:30

I am moody and argumentative and likely to consider leaving him but I don't ever make personal hurtful comments on his appearance, I couldn't if I tried, he is physically perfect (to me).

I think I will choose to take it in the spirit @XVII has said and try to let it go. He is a feeder so yes I think probably concerned.

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Original poster
Throwaway0323 · 05/04/2023 15:30

Oops, the spirit @Aria2015 said. Tagged the wrong person.

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