Losing the will to live

[Cupcake777]

Nearly two years out of an abusive marriage, no kids thankfully but I lost everything in the process including my gorgeous dogs who were my world. In my early thirties.

I hadn’t worked during the marriage as exH was unwell and I had to be at home. I got nothing in the divorce as it wasn’t safe for me to pursue a financial settlement and given it was relatively short in length I might not have gotten anything anyway. Was out of the job market for 5 years.

I initially managed to get back on my feet with the help of a new partner, and selling pretty much anything I had of value. I also had to retrain in a new profession which has taken nearly two years, but given the nature of it, it will be at least another two years before I can earn decent money in that career path and I have to do one final ‘stage’ of training that takes ages to start, earliest I can do that is next October.

DP and I split last year for complicated reasons and tbh I’m not fully over it. I know he still checks up on me time to time on social media, but I’ve tried to move on. It’s been hard though as it was a short period of time that I actually felt safe.

The thing I’m struggling with right now is that it just feels like nothing is ever going to get better. Two years since I left my marriage and I still feel unsafe, financially, emotionally, practically. It’s been about pure survival since I left. I’m so tired I honestly feel like giving up. I can’t get a job because I’m kind of in a ‘in-between’ stage, not fully qualified but also other sectors just assume I will leave to continue to pursue my other profession. But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

I feel really alone, no idea how I can afford rent next month and I’ve got nothing left to sell. I’ve tried so hard to not fall into despair and feel as though my exH has ‘won’, but I wasn’t safe with him and still not safe now. He has a generous income via income protection insurance. So I just feel so devastated. I’ve been fighting for so long.

I guess just needed a handhold and maybe any encouraging words from anyone who has been through similar and survived. Thanks for reading x

I can’t say I’ve experienced similar, because I haven’t, but your post makes my heart break. You poor love. I know it seems rubbish now, but things can only get better. You’ve had a difficult time and tbh, I utterly empathise re losing your dogs, I cannot imagine how hard that was.

Could you get a part time job that fits around what your life is right now? It might make you feel better, it would get you out of the house, you’d meet new people. Is it a possibility?

@Cherrysoup thanks for your reply. I’ve definitely considered it, but the difficulty with part-time work is it probably would make me ineligible for UC (which doesn’t even cover half of my rent right now) but actually not fix my financial problems. And I can’t move anywhere cheaper as I don’t have a job yet and hence can’t prove I can afford it.

I have two undergraduate degrees, and a Masters. All first class / distinctions. I had a decent career before exH. I should not be unemployable, and yet it just feels like I don’t fit anywhere. Men just question why I’m single or are put off by my (future) profession. Employers just question my reason for applying as I said, and I’ve applied for so many jobs. I’m good at design so I started my own small online business but no spare cash to spend on marketing, so struggling on that front too.

I’m not usually this morose about it just really feels like I’ve reached my limit now. Some days I think I would have been better off staying as I would have at least had the dogs and roof over my head and this is the first time I’ve felt this way which is so sad because I was so strong in not going back to him.

I do appreciate you taking the time to write x

Just wanted to say sorry you are going through such a hard time and please don't give up.

Pets can be such a help for mental health but of course are also a huge expense. What about volunteering as a dog walker for an elderly neighbour if you have one, or register with a website like borrow my dog? Maybe getting a regular walk will help you feel more positive and give you the energy and strength to face these problems? I know that this really helped someone in my family in a similar position in the past. 💐

@hope80 thank you - yes I totally agree walking helps. I walk around 5miles a day currently which I started to help ease my anxiety as the rhythm helped. I still get bad chest pain some days.

I’d love to borrow someone else’s dog so that’s a lovely idea. I know where mine have been rehomed so I could visit them but just not sure I’m ready for that yet 😔

I had a couple of years after ex-h and I separated where I felt I’d lost my way, or gone the wrong way. I got a job in a different area ( I wanted to get as far away as possible) which initially sounded great but the job turned out to be not what it was supposed to be. Poor management, money that had gone missing ( huge amount) meant cuts, I was instructed to lie to get business in. It was shit. I took a gamble and left, started my own business and that was the turning point. Hard work but paid off.
I don’t know if you can do a flat share to reduce bills. I understand you having to balance doing p/t work vs losing UC but keep on with your training, it will pay off in the long run.
If you look up Cinnamon Trust they very often need dog walkers for disabled or ill dog owners.
Good luck, I hope it all works out.