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Original poster

Work affair - part 2

30 replies

mrspick · 04/04/2023 16:38

I posted on here a few weeks ago about having a work affair, I call it an affair but he told me he was single! He has since admitted they were together part of the time we were involved, I believe now they were together the whole time. He also told me near the end of our "relationship" that he had been seeing 4 other girls before me while still with his girlfriend. Anyway, I was asking if I should tell her and most people said yes. I haven't but have today found something else out. I work for a charity and he told me (when he admitted they were together for some of our relationship) that she was working in one of our shops one afternoon a week, I was a bit put out but wouldn't have to see her. It turns out she is working in our warehouse 2 days a week where I could definitely come face to face with her. She would not know who I am but I would know who she is. How cocky can you get? I really am on the verge of telling her. What do you lovely ladies think? There are children involved which was what had stopped me telling her.

OP posts:
Sittwritt · 04/04/2023 16:57

Have you broken up with this guy? What were your reasons from the break up?

Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 17:02

Yes, broken up. I should have put it was a fwb situation. It finished because I was getting suspicious he was still with her and he didn't like me quizzing him. I now realise he was telling me all the lies from the cheaters handbook.

OP posts:
Eatentoomanyroses · 04/04/2023 17:09

I wouldn’t. If you’re single you don’t want people talking about your sex life. It might put other nice men off.

Sittwritt · 04/04/2023 17:12

I side with @Eatentoomanyroses

He sounds vacant and a waste of space. You don’t want to hang around that energy. The GF could make up stories about you wanting her vacant man so badly. Best avoid it.

DonnaTellMeThis · 04/04/2023 17:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 17:18

I have all his messages, no doubt what was going on and that he came after me. Turns out he started messaging me 3 months after she had a baby so yes, definitely a waste of space.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 17:22

Do you mean to her?

OP posts:
FishChipsMushyPeas · 04/04/2023 17:24

Wow, he's a peach. I wouldn't be surprised if he has already prepped his partner with 'warnings' about all the lasses he works with that fancy him and will try to cause trouble for him by 'making things up' so that she wouldn't believe you if you did say anything. You can imagine him being like 'that Mrs pick, you can't trust a thing she says, watch out for her' or the like.

Bookworm20 · 04/04/2023 17:26

I would tell her. She then has the ability to make a decision on whether to waste any more of her life on him. especially now she has a baby.

If I was her, I would want to know, rather than it coming out a few more years down the line (because it will) with potentially another baby involved or this one being an age where the breakup will have a much bigger impact on them.

Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 17:32

That's the thing, I have every single message and can prove he started it, he kept messaging me (have a message where he says you don't message me) told me he was single and living with his sister, that he had slept with other women while with her, I could totally ruin him. To be honest though I would only tell her about us and include a couple of messages so there would be no doubt.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 04/04/2023 17:35

She deserves to know so she can take an STD test - and find out what a loser that guy is

Lovebella · 04/04/2023 18:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 19:13

I am 99% sure I am going to because I would want to know. I just feel so bad for her and the kids

OP posts:
NCMum79 · 04/04/2023 19:20

Just be careful OP, it can go badly awry (e.g. the man turning against you, turning the wife against you etc), I know because when I found out someone I was seeing had a very LTP I told the partner and got stalked by the man. I'm not saying all ex AP's are like this obviously but it can go really badly for the person who blows the cover. Especially as you work there i'd try, if possible, to do it anonymously. I don't know how you'd do that but worth thinking about

neilyoungismyhero · 04/04/2023 19:21

mrspick · 04/04/2023 17:32

That's the thing, I have every single message and can prove he started it, he kept messaging me (have a message where he says you don't message me) told me he was single and living with his sister, that he had slept with other women while with her, I could totally ruin him. To be honest though I would only tell her about us and include a couple of messages so there would be no doubt.

Well if you want the whole company to know your business and the fall out that it would inevitably cause you, go for it. Personally I would keep out, it sounds as if you're blameless in this situation but pretty sure you'll still be in line when the shit hits the fan. People will sympathise with her situation and then you'll feel obliged to start mitigating your part in the drama. Best let this one go.

Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 19:33

NCMum79 · 04/04/2023 19:20

Just be careful OP, it can go badly awry (e.g. the man turning against you, turning the wife against you etc), I know because when I found out someone I was seeing had a very LTP I told the partner and got stalked by the man. I'm not saying all ex AP's are like this obviously but it can go really badly for the person who blows the cover. Especially as you work there i'd try, if possible, to do it anonymously. I don't know how you'd do that but worth thinking about

I'm sorry to hear this, what was the outcome?

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 04/04/2023 20:23

Am I missing something? It was a FWB situation, doesn't that mean there's no commitment? If you were supposed to be sleeping together exclusively then it was a relationship.

Either way, just stay out of it. If he did cheat then that's on him. She isn't responsible for safeguarding whatever rules you two had in your FWB situation.

DoeRayMe · 04/04/2023 20:25

Maybe she already knows.

Original poster
mrspick · 04/04/2023 20:35

ReneBumsWombats · 04/04/2023 20:23

Am I missing something? It was a FWB situation, doesn't that mean there's no commitment? If you were supposed to be sleeping together exclusively then it was a relationship.

Either way, just stay out of it. If he did cheat then that's on him. She isn't responsible for safeguarding whatever rules you two had in your FWB situation.

I wouldn't have slept with him had I known he was in a relationship, that's the point.

OP posts:
username1722 · 04/04/2023 21:15

She deserves to know. The fact that she has a child is all the more reason to tell her as well. You have to ability to give this woman the chance to decide whether or not to spend her life living a lie.

MsDogLady · 04/04/2023 21:30

@mrspick, as I previously said, this woman deserves to know the truth, just as you did. Aren’t you grateful that you are no longer in the dark? The truth has enabled you to made informed choices.

Return her agency to her.

ReneBumsWombats · 04/04/2023 21:43

mrspick · 04/04/2023 20:35

I wouldn't have slept with him had I known he was in a relationship, that's the point.

Show quote history

Well, fair enough.

But I don't think this other woman's life is your problem, responsibility or even business. You don't know what her situation is or whether she'd even want to be told. You're out, you've maintained your boundary, I'd just move on and leave it.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 05/04/2023 06:21

I would leave it and move on.

Sittwritt · 05/04/2023 06:35

Affair and FWB are two different things. The latter assumes no ties. Who cares who pursued who? You both made each other no promises. Now you are feeling spite for whatever reason and instead of focusing on your own well-being looking to destroy someone else’s under the guise of civility and mercy. These things never go as planned. Just sayin.

Groovychick91 · 05/04/2023 07:20

Oh god, do not tell her whilst you are in the workplace, extremely unprofessional and drama-inducing!

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