Hello,
My OH and I have been married for nearly 4 years. He has always been an avid gamer and it never use to bother me - he’d have his chill time and I’d have mine. He had a dog when we started going out and the dog kind of became mine as he stopped walking it. Maybe I should have taken this as a sign?
We had a baby last year and while I wouldn’t change that, I have been building up some resentment.
During the birth and his paternity leave, he was amazing. I genuinely cannot fault him for the first two weeks of our little ones life. He couldn’t do enough for me or the baby. I was feeding our baby via EBM and because he was working, I’d do the night feeds but he did say he would look after the baby between 7 and 11 so I could sleep. This lasted a week if that. He was constantly on his Xbox, and wouldn’t sort the baby out immediately and would literally just have the baby on his lap while he played. It got to the point where I would just look after the baby instead (it felt like this was his plan!)
At 4 weeks, I developed mastitis and was borderline sepsis. He was amazing again, for one day. We decided to formula feed at this point (for my mental health as well).
After going on formula, our baby would sleep through the night - he doesn’t understand that I am awake a lot in the night checking on the baby and making sure the baby is still breathing etc.
Also, when the baby was born, his mum gave him some money which he spent half of on the baby, the rest he spent on guns. His mum has only met the baby once and never asks about him.
He hasn’t spent a penny on the baby since. We’re both in debt but I’ve managed to scrimp by whilst paying my debts off as the baby is my priority. He doesn’t offer anything towards milk or nappies or anything and would rather go shooting once or twice a month. I’m so resentful towards him because of this and I’ve recently lost my job and instead of offering any money towards raising his child, he has encouraged me to get benefits.
Our baby is thriving and doesn’t want for anything, but it’s all down to me (am I being selfish here??)
He plays on his Xbox every night (and all weekend), sometimes until gone midnight without even giving the baby a second thought. He did say to me last month, something along the lines of: “of course I want to hold him but at the moment, I’m making the most of my me time. When he’s bigger and can ask for things I will be there for him and spend just evenings on my Xbox. Me time is important, when you wake up in the middle of the night, you should have a go on hogwarts legacy for you to have some me time”
I was speechless. The only me-time I get is when my mum looks after the baby for an hour so I can have a bath and sort my house out!
I know I need to talk to him but I struggle to believe he doesn’t see what’s going on.
How do I approach this? Am I expecting too much from him? Are all husbands/dads actually like this and am I just being sensitive?
I suffer with depression and anxiety and detest confrontation 🥺