No blame

[Fegetables]

Evening all,

I just need to offload as though I feel pretty breezy I suspect I won't do during the foreseeable. I'd appreciate any support and kind words.

DP and I have decided to split today. The part I'm struggling with is there is no fault, no blame, no baggage. Nothing, just two people with nothing left to give, no words left to say, the laughter & love has gone, conversation amicable. He is a lovely person, my first love I suppose. My heart feels heavy that it hasn't worked out, after 11 years, our own home, a dog, we travelled, he is my best friend and the person I thought I'd spend my life with. How can something just change with no reason, the light has just gone out? We haven't argued, no crossed words, just a mutual decision that we need to move on. All I wanted (yes fairy tale stuff) is a happy ever after.

Has anybody else been through a situation similar?

It can happen op. It's not always awful heartbreak and pain for weeks/months on end when you split with someone.

For me, it sounds like you have both been unhappy for a long time and have already possibly dealt with those emotions. It's hard to say so early on. Who knows - it may hit you later on and if it does then that's normal and understandable.

When I left my ex of 7 years I felt nothing but relief and a sense of calm and contentment. Sad that it was over but no question in my mind that we needed to separate. I cried once for a few minutes and that was it.

That sounds tough OP.
It can happen like with any friendship that seem to run it's course. Its always sad.

Sounds difficult.

I think sometimes it’s “easier” if someone does cheat or wrongs you in some way. You get to be angry with them, instead of just sad.

You mention it was a mutual decision, who brought it up? Is there maybe a way back?

It sounds like you've had a lovely successful relationship but one that has run its course. That's ok. There is no such thing as happy ever after. No feeling lasts forever. You have spent years with someone you valued and loved. It's normal to feel a sense of loss and to feel sad, but just like there is no happy ever after , there is no sad ever after.

Beautiful post by @Nightynightnight who has nailed it. Most people don’t settle down with their first love and for good reason - people grow and change so much in the early years of adulthood. It’s also really good to spend some time as a single adult living independently especially when you have no responsibilities such as children and the world is your oyster.

My split was similar to this, although it wasn't as smooth in the run up as your split sounds, but when we did so it was very amicable. It felt sadness, grief and fear for the future, but no heartbreak... We'd been together 20 years, but when we did split, more than anything, I felt relief.

I have a feeling that many couples get to a point at which they are naturally ready to separate, but don't and just rub along and don't take that moment... then resentment and frustration builds, along with the potential for affairs, and what could have been a straightforward split becomes much harder due to the build up of negative emotions.

I disagree. I don't see how an affair or a betrayal would have made the split in the OPs or my case any easier. On the contrary, it would likely have turned an amicable split into something ugly.

Feeling sadness is ok. Its natural and normal after the end of a relationship... To have that overshadowed by greater feelings of anger and betrayal won't make things better.... It's a bit like saying: "if you've a pain in your arm, you can get rid of it by chopping of your leg, then you won't feel your arm any more!"

Chemistry lasts 7 yrs, apparently. So at 11yrs unless you have made other bonds like kids or marriage or something that glues your interests together then it’s easier to let go.

Thank you, it's comforting to know it's common and others have experienced similar. I raised it, and gently said I'm not sure if we're happy together anymore, and he agreed. It was a calm conversation. Happy no affairs or nobody else involved, it's been the happiest breakup I could wish for really, no hard feelings, just sad for us both & people around us. We could probably muddle through and make it work, but would I regret that 10 years from now, I'd be aged 44? Think I probably would.