If you are NC with family

[InlawsAreOutlaws]

If you are NC with family how do you keep them out of yours and your DCs lives?
Mine are toxic narcissists who see boundaries as a challenge that they must trample over.
Every single special occasion they stamp their entitled feet. Texts, calls, sending manipulative cards to the DC claiming to be the victim, turning up on the doorstep, following us. Easter is now upon us, and it’s happened again. We ignore, then the flying monkeys arrive.
If your family are truly toxic how do you enforce NC?

I don't speak to my sister haven't in 3 years and dont really have this issue.she's turned up a few times but I dont answer the door. In the beginning she sent present for my children but I just didnt give them to my children. Move?

I think you need to just carry on - they’ll give up eventually. I’m on the other side of this (but I’m not toxic or a narcissist!) My vile older brother stopped speaking to me (no reason ever given) over 10 years ago, causing huge upset to everyone. After trying to reconcile over and over again I realised it’s not worth it. We’re now in very limited contact about my elderly mum, but once she goes I won’t have to ever deal with him again and I. Can’t. Wait.

Thanks for the replies.sometimes it’s just good to hear you aren’t the only one.
@SpinningFloppa We have considered moving, but they behave like they are PIs - they would soon find where we went.
@SmugglersHaunt That’s the part I dread too - thinking about if they get ill etc and how they will behave then.
I feel so trapped by them.

If you are NC with family how do you keep them out of yours and your DCs lives? no response or engagement
Mine are toxic narcissists who see boundaries as a challenge that they must trample over. or they haven't had closure
Every single special occasion they stamp their entitled feet. Texts, calls, sending manipulative cards to the DC claiming to be the victim, turning up on the doorstep, following us. Easter is now upon us, and it’s happened again. We ignore, then the flying monkeys arrive. or they hurt at these times and are reaching out
If your family are truly toxic how do you enforce NC grey rock

I don't know your circumstances but NC means continuing to ignore and not passing on or even opening cards. I have been in your position but I have also been in the other position, making attempts to reconcile. I have finally got the message after being ignored for three years. It wasn't entitlement that led me to sending emails or texts, it was pain at being estranged.

Do not respond to anything sent, radio silence needs to be maintained. I would also block their means of being able to contact any of your children here if this has not already been done. If they follow you do not hesitate to call the police.

If they get ill this is not actually your problem to solve. You are no contact with them.

The flying monkeys are not at all interested in hearing your side of things and have their own agenda so their opinion should be ignored too.

I would also consider moving and only give your new address to a very few people.

I have a brother and 2 sisters, all are older than me and new about the problems I was having with my ex within our relationship. During the time when we weren't getting on, I suggested and asked her if she would engage in counselling, she refused everytime, saying she just needed some time to think. After three years I suggested counselling again and she refused. I had another conversation with my family and all three had suggested I tell her I'm going to leave if she won't engage with me, once again she refused, so I made the decision to leave.

Since then, none of my brother or sisters will speak to me and one lives across the road only 20 yards away. They can get on, I no longer get phone calls at all hours of the day asking for a lift to or from the train station or airport, no more "will you pick up my grandson and bring him to my house", no more trips to the vets, no more, "can you take me shopping" and so many other requests for help.

I'm done with them and will never engage with them again. If any of them die before me, I will not be attending any funerals and if I die before them, I've arranged for an official to be present at my funeral with a list of names of those who do not want to be present on my final journey.

They are all a waste of oxygen who only wanted me when they were stuck.

I moved far from where I grew up/they currently live. And after going NC, we moved house and they have no idea where.

I haven’t gone as far as blocking but I could. They mostly don’t contact me anymore as I just repeat that we have no relationship and don’t feed into the chaos. It’s taken years though.

11 years NC.

You just have to ignore. No response is a response and all that. I blocked all means of contact and just ignored the omes I couldn't.

Eventually they lose interest and the calls, emails and cards stop.

If you've explicitly told them that you want no further contact then you can contact the police.