Starting to question my relationship - advice please.

[Oakwoodtree]

I have been seeing a man for almost 2 years, he is 55 and I’m 40.
He told me his ex wife always got him into debt and that was why their relationship broke down. They have 2 grown up children aged 24 and 18, he doesn’t have a relationship with his youngest but does with the oldest. I also have a 6 year old from my previous relationship.

I’ve found out his marriage actually broke down because he cheated on her, and had done so previously and his wife had had enough.
I feel he doesn’t really try to have a relationship with his kids although he sees his oldest he only sees her a handful of times a year and has totally given up on his youngest, doesn’t give her any gifts at Christmas or birthdays.

as soon as his youngest left school he stopped all maintenance payments to his wife and doesn’t contribute to his youngest going to university, he says his wife can sort that. He also has a very high earning job 100k plus he is self employed and he let slip recently he only paid his ex wife the very minimum amount, when I questioned him about this he said he only pays himself a minimum wage so he doesn’t need to pay a lot of tax and his maintenance was based on his wage (he does pay himself very high dividends).

He doesn’t interact with my daughter very much and children is something I would like to have in the future with him. He treats me like a Queen always buying me flowers, treating me, helps very much around the house.

I don’t know about this, the fact he lied to me about how their relationship broke up and how he is with his sons is getting me thinking but on the other hand he is brilliant with me and we have such a laugh and a good time together?

Im not very experienced when it comes to relationships, my first serious relationship was with my ex husband prior to that I didn’t really date, so I’m not sure what to look out for?

would any of this raise any eyebrows with you?

If you want children ‘in the future’ how old is he going to be? I wouldn’t have thought he would be a better father in his 60s.

Good thing you found out he was stringing you along OP. Did he move in as soon as he could rent-free I bet, or would he be easy to dump?

Ah no, OP, just no. Throw this one back.

He doesn’t interact with my daughter very much and children is something I would like to have in the future with him

No, really, don't do this. You can see how he treats his own children and also how he treats the mother of those children. Relationships go wrong for all kinds of reasons (in this case cheating) but it tells you something about a person who can't be arsed with their own kids and then tries to wriggle out of paying a fair amount of maintenance for those children.
If you were to go ahead and have a child with him he would end up doing the same to you.

he is 55 and I’m 40
And this. This is a significant age gap. Age gap relationships can and do work but it does add an extra level of challenge to a relationship - not being at the same life stage; him being old to become a father again; possible decline in health with you ending up as carer; men in their mid 50s looking for an easy life with someone to look after them in their old age; different interests - you being possibly more active and with a 6 year old and him wanting a restful time.
Of course, your scenario might not be like that and someone will be along and tell me I made all of this up and it wasn't in the OP - true, but it is something to bear in mind. I feel that for an age gap relationship to work it has to be really solid and some things might be dealable with when the partners are a similar age but it becomes challenging when the age gap is thrown in on top.

You've got doubts anyway. I just can't see this working.
And I couldn't be with a man who treated his children like that.

“Why are you even considering doing anything else other than dumping him?!

Or do you like people who cheat, lie about cheating, lie about their finances so they don’t have to support their kids, don’t give a shit about their kids?”

This. Your partner is not a nice man.

I just wanted to check it wasn’t me being unreasonable in my thinking

Is this not about how you felt regarding the situation, though?

I mean, if we'd told you that you were being unreasonable, would you have suddenly been ok with the situation?

Aside from the many obvious 'red flags,' you're 40 and you'd like to have children 'in the future?' Hmm.

You're 40, he's 55 and you want to have his babies? 🤔

Does he have sons or a son and daughter? Your Op wasn't clear.

I couldn't be with with a man who doesn't pay maintenance for his children, or not see them. It tells you everything about him, he's a dick and you should move on!