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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I don’t if I want to be with him anymore

14 replies

Tulummm · 03/04/2023 08:54

I feel horrible for saying and thinking this.

we are 9 months in and I feel like the honeymoon period is starting to fade.

we spent time with my friends this weekend as a couple and he was nice but there were a few awkward moments. He was recovering from a heavy cold and kept blowing his nose / sniffing and at one point just had a bogey on his nose when he was talking, I’d already mentioned a few times prior to that to wipe his nose (not about that specifically) and so didn’t want to embarrass him further or be like his mum, but it was all I could see and felt embarrassed. Which isn’t fair to him either.

another friend made a couple of jokes that went over his head and I got secondhand embarrassment from that.

I know I sound horrible but I think fundamentally I’m no longer attracted to him and how he behaves in a group annoys me.

every now and then I suddenly felt a pang of love for him but I’m not sure thats enough? Im not desperate to see him or spend time with him anymore, I like him and enjoy his comoany, sometimes really enjoy it, but then we have awkward moments and I end up feeling like I don’t want to be together.

is it time for break up?

OP posts:

Original poster

Tulummm · 03/04/2023 08:55

Sorry that should obviously say is it time to break up

OP posts:

GreyCarpet · 03/04/2023 08:57

Well yes. Of course it's fine to break up with someone after a few months if you're no longer attracted to them!

Why wouldn't you?

BlastedPimples · 03/04/2023 08:59

Yes. It's time. Better now than nine years later.

80s · 03/04/2023 08:59

You already know the answer. You're not married to the guy, there's nothing to feel bad about. Staying with someone you find embarrassing won't do either of you any good.

SnarkyBag · 03/04/2023 09:01

Sounds like your heading towards the “ick” I would say there’s no coming back from that when you’re only 9 months in

Original poster

Tulummm · 03/04/2023 09:37

I don’t know what I want

OP posts:

GreyCarpet · 03/04/2023 09:41

Tulummm · 03/04/2023 09:37

I don’t know what I want

Well, do you feel like you're in love? Do you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Do you feel like you enjoy his company and being with him well enough to now to at least date him for now?

Given you find him embarrassing to be with in public, I'd say that that's a no to all the above. So why would you carry on seeing him. What is being with him bringing to your life?

Pseudonamed · 03/04/2023 09:48

If you are not dying to see him at a mere 9 months in then its slowly fading I think add to that the embarassment and you are getting the ick. I say end it now kindly and move on.

GreyCarpet · 03/04/2023 09:48

Pros:

I like him and enjoy his comoany

Cons:
he was nice but there were a few awkward moments

didn’t want to embarrass him further or be like his mum, but it was all I could see and felt embarrassed

I’m no longer attracted to him and how he behaves in a group annoys me.

Im not desperate to see him or spend time with him anymore

another friend made a couple of jokes that went over his head and I got secondhand embarrassment from that.

we have awkward moments and I end up feeling like I don’t want to be together.

every now and then I suddenly felt a pang of love for him but I’m not sure thats enough?

Are you sure you don't know what you want..?

Would you want to be with someone who felt this way about you?

80s · 03/04/2023 09:48

Why do you think it sounds horrible to say you find him embarrassing, annoying or unattractive? Those are totally valid feelings. If you can't admit to them because you think they make you sound horrible then what are you going to do? Marry someone you find mildly disgusting, because you're afraid of looking bad?

Dozycuntlaters · 03/04/2023 09:51

You think you don't know what you want because fundamentally he's a nice guy and you enjoy his company sometimes and so you are trying to tell yourself its you that is the issue and not him because you want it to work. But it won't. You are not into him at all.

Don't let your want for a relationship make you stay with him when clearly for you its over. The ick is coming, and there is no getting away from that.

If you meet someone you connect with you most certainly will know, and it's not this guy. Let him go so you can both move forward and not waste anymore time.

OneMoreCookieMonster · 03/04/2023 10:14

I agree with pps. It's time. Respect how you're feeling stop trying to convince yourself other wise. You shouldn't have to convince yourself that you want to stay with someone. Don't be afraid of seeming shallow or selfish or whatever...it is what it is. And this is how resentment starts...(I'm now going on personal rant )

If you're not feeling now, how is it going to feel when the boundaries are completely down?

I'd hate to feel embarrassed by my H. I personally couldn't do it.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/04/2023 10:17

It's OK to go off someone even if they are a nice person in general.

You are no longer attracted, it happens end it or you are wasting time, his and yours.

HarrysStyle · 03/04/2023 20:29

You don't love him. If you did you wouldn't have asked. End things before you get to a year and beyond.

Sorry, OP.

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