Should I tell his new partners he is abusive?

[FallgriefsGirlfriends]

I’ll begin by saying I have no wish to, but I wonder about my moral obligation. I want to know what people think.

I ended a relationship with quite a seriously abusive man. Only after ending it did I come into contact with his ex who said the same thing happened to her. She apologised for not warning me, she thought he might change. So now I know he is a life-long abuser. We both had long relationships with him, and there are children involved. He seriously impacted both our lives.

I have been trying to disappear and grey rock and we are not now in contact. I don’t like to think of him, even. I would not by choice tell any new partners. But, I wonder if I have a moral obligation. It makes me uneasy to think of the next person being taken in. If his ex had told me I would have listened.

What’s your view?

He didn’t retaliate against me but he would have if it had been my sister who spoke out against him.
Sadly no she didn’t listen 😟

😔

Have either you or his ex ever reported him to the police? Maybe do that so that he is on file so that if any further women come forward they can see a pattern. I wouldn’t personally tell a new partner of he’s in case it comes back on you. Does he still see his kids? How are you managing that do you still have to see him? I hope it all works out well for you and well done for leaving him x

Yes, she did, and the police helped me a few times so it might be on record

I just wondered about my responsibility, to the sisterhood I suppose!
but this thread has really helped

They won't listen. I didn't, I learned the hard way, and when I finally got rid of him, he did exactly what he did after splitting with the woman before me, told everyone who would listen that I physically abused him.
I know you mean well, but stay out of it and concentrate your energy on healing yourself and moving on.

I'm really sorry @FallgriefsGirlfriends that you've had such an awful experience.
My opinion is that you should consider Claire's law, find out what risk it'll be to you and make that call, but no contacting future partners.
I did once disclose something to a woman about an ex and she told me until she saw red flags herself, she wouldn't be taking my advice. I felt like the stereotypical crazy ex.
I was shopping in town and had a call from the police, (me and this woman knew one another, we weren't friends but acquaintances) and they rang me, he'd put ner nudes on some type of revenge porn site 💔

This. If you can help another woman, why wouldn't you do so?

There's no harm in trying. You could suggest them to avail of Claire's Law too as coming from you as an ex , the new gf might not listen or already be warned by him etc I'm sure he has a story of all his "crazy exes"

I’m surprised that you’re so terrified to go to the police in case they contact him but would be quite comfortable contacting his new partner who will almost certainly tell him.

I would go to the police. I don’t know if I would contact the new partner, it’s a difficult one. The fact is that if he is this abusive he probably does give off red flags so the new partner is likely to have ignored those and will probably buy his explanation that you’re a ‘psycho ex’ who makes up lies because you are ‘so jealous’ of his new relationship.

@Kanaloa I didn’t say I’d be ‘quite comfortable’ — the opposite. I’m terrified of it all and just trying to get away, just sometimes I feel guilty about the next person.