Help! Married with feelings for someone else

[DoughnutCare]

Good afternoon mums,

I was hoping to get a bit of advice on here as I don’t have any close friends that i can talk to about this.

I joined a local gym back in January as I’m desperate to lose my baby weight and get back to pre-pregnancy weight (home workouts weren’t working for me). The guy who manages the gym is actually one of my childhood / primary school friends and runs the classes there, which at the time I didn’t think much of.

Anyway, we’ve been chatting and catching up between workouts as old school friends do I guess, and I seem to have developed feelings for him. I never use to have a crush on him at school, so the feelings have surprised me and caught me off guard.

To add to that we’re both married, around 5 years each. I feel uncomfortable that I am having thoughts and feelings about someone else whilst I am married. It also makes me have doubts about my relationship with husband, because is it normal to have feelings for someone else, especially in a short space of time?

I have wondered whether I should change gyms, but it’s super convenient to get there, and almost half the price of the other one that is local to me. I’m not sure if that is my only option here..

I’m also contemplating whether I should go to see a counsellor about this, and try to make sense of my thoughts / feelings.

I know the phrase “get over it”, but it’s a lot more difficult to put into practice.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

I think this is pretty common for us, there’s a storyline in Motherland about her having a mega crush, or limerance (literally only ever seen that word on MN), on her builder! The episode ends with her telling her husband “I’m in love with the builder” and he says “I know, me too”. I think learning to laugh at yourself will help. It will pass. Your confidence is low at the moment, it’s nice talking to someone nice who seems interested in us too, far from the daily drudgery. Especially if most of your conversation with your DH at the moment is to do lists and baby related updates and what needs to be done. Keep going to the gym, you are doing really well to have started that habit, it will do wonders for how you feel and your health. In a few months time, you’ll be enjoying feeling out of this guy’s league!

I think everyone in a long term relationship will develop a bit of a crush on someone else at some point. It doesn't necessarily mean that there's a problem in your own relationship.

The question is what you do about it. And if you value your relationship, the answer is nothing. Don't feed it, be polite but keep your distance, and use those bubbly lovey feelings you're currently getting into your relationship instead.